Today: Camille's last soccer game (they lost - poor little things, I think they only won one game of this season), it was cold and windy, and Camille was a bit of a dreamer on the field, not really paying attention to the game much (that's pretty normal... she doesn't seem to care much about the game), and they were missing about 3 or 4 players, so they had to play the whole game. She still seemed to have fun and was pretty happy at the end. We took the team's picture last weekend, when more of the girls were playing. 

After showering and getting ready, I laid down in bed to read a conference talk and promptly dozed off. I don't know why I was so tired. I got more than 8 hours of sleep last night. But after I woke up and spent some time catching up on my journal, Sawyer came upstairs and found me. We just played together, just the two of us, for quite a while in my room. He came and laid with me in bed, and I tickled him, and then he pretended he was leaving and shut the door, and I opened it and roared at him, and he giggled and fell into my arms. And we played chase a little. And we played airplanes a little. It was so fun. And it was nice that none of the other kids came up wanting to interrupt our play or take it over. 

One thing I totally love about Brooke is her little tender heart. She often cried when we watch movies and TV shows. Last night, we watched Brave for the first time for family movie night, and often when I looked over at her, she had tears in her eyes. My sweet, sensitive, tender hearted girl. ❤️😭

Today, she took an old torn up pair of jeans (of hers) and cut them up and made a bag for herself. The little clever thing. I love how she's always just itching to create things. I should really help her learn some new creative skills. 

We went to the aquarium today as a family. The second time since we got the pass in January. 🙄 We had fun, though, and tried to see one thing each of the kids wanted to see: the Amazon jungle and sea anemones for Brooke, the penguins for Camille, and the sharks for Jack. Sawyer was just happy to see everything. And to touch the sea anemones in the touch pool. 

Anniversary and Celtic Woman

 We had our 13th anniversary this week, on Monday. We did mostly normal things; we didn't even get each other gifts this year. 🤣

In the days leading up to our anniversary, we told the kids that it was coming up and they started asking us questions about it. One night at dinner, Camille asked for stories of when we first met and when we were dating, and they asked for a story of our wedding. I told them, "Well, we were so tired the day of our wedding that we laid down to take a nap in the afternoon, after we got married. And we slept too late and were late for our own reception!" Well, they thought that was just the funniest thing. Camille kept mentioning it days later. 

We did get to go on a date that night. Daniel took me to an Italian restaurant that's close by (to fulfill a date) , and it was really yummy. Then we went to hike on one of the trails he likes to bike on. It was nice to get outside and move and stretch our legs. The view up in the mountains was beautiful. 

On Wednesday, we went on another special date with Daniel's dad. Mom was supposed to come with us too, but she was sick and couldn't come. We went to dinner at cheesecake factory (yum - I got the shrimp pasta, which was amazing, and we got the mango key lime cheesecake and oreo cheesecake for dessert), and then we had tickets to see Celtic Woman at a little theater in downtown Salt Lake City. It was so fun! I may have cried a little bit. I love their music. 

It was tricky to get babysitters so much this week, but we managed it. We had to have 2 babysitters switch off (they were sisters) on Wednesday because neither of them could take the whole time. 😂 

It was a pretty exciting week. 

 There's too much cuteness in my house. This week, Camille and I were doing dishes together after dinner, and she started asking me my favorite scripture stories. I had to think for a little bit because there are lots of scripture stories that I like and I don't think I have an absolute favorite. I told her I really love Martha, and I told the story of when Lazarus was raised from the dead. I told her a couple of other stories while were working together, and it was just such a great moment with her. I love Camille's curiosity. She asks such great questions about everything, and it's obvious that she really thinks about these things. She also says some pretty good, sincere prayers, and she seems to love the scriptures and scripture stories and scripture heroes more than the other kids. ❤️

I had the kids fill out some end of school year info sheets about themselves, and I helped Jack with his. But then I made him write his own name. I wrote it on a piece of paper and had him copy the letters himself. He did pretty well, and he had names for all the letters. Like, capital J was "upside down candy cane with a hat". Well, he cracked me up with this one: "This one is bear with underwear." (Capital H - I have no idea how an H looks like "bear with underwear"!🤣)

Sawyer was so cute at bedtime. He laid on bed with me and Jack to read a book, and he was so attentive to "Elbow Grease". Then he followed me into Jack's room and laid in Jack's bed while I put Jack to bed and sang to him. And he had to go get his blankie and Lamby to snuggle with while he lay there and listened to me sing. When I put him to bed after Jack, he needed a car and truck (the car and truck he was playing with just before bedtime) to come to bed with him, and he started playing with them as I was putting him up bed. He was so absorbed in his play, he barely noticed me obsessing over him, kissing him, pinching him, ruffling his hair; but when I asked for a kiss, he turned his head to kiss me. It was too much; my mom heart can't handle the sweetness and cuteness of this amazing little boy. 

Sawyer's Birthday

 Yesterday we celebrated Sawyer's 2nd birthday. Such a happy, sad experience. It was a pretty slow day, but I think Sawyer had a good day. 

Camille had an early soccer game (in which she did the very best since she started playing last fall. Go Camille! Also I'm which they lost). Then Daniel took the boys to a father and sons breakfast at the stake center, while the girls and I cleaned up a little and then watched this new show we started. 

We put on a mickey mouse clubhouse episode for Sawyer when the boys got home, and he snuggled on the couch with me while we watched it, which was just heavenly for me. After his episode, we helped him open a couple of presents: some toy cars and this lawn mower bubble machine that Gramma and Grampa sent for him. He loved it! But once we got the bubbles working, it looked like he couldn't decide what to do: play with the bubbles or roll the lawnmower around. 

Harvey and Pepper and Wade joined us outside, and Preston went to get their bounce house to bring it out for the kids to play with. And we put together the water table we bought for Sawyer, and it became a real party! It felt like summer! The kids were playing in the bounce house and with the new water table, and just having the time of their little lives. We didn't put Sawyer down for a nap, because it just felt too hard to tear him away from all the fun. 

The kids eventually went over to the Smith's backyard to jump on the trampoline while the sprinklers were on, and Sawyer sort of wandered around the house playing. 

I made cream filled chocolate cupcakes (I had to run to the store for a couple of things mid-bake), orange chicken, French fries, berries and sook (juice) for dinner. I had to guess what he wanted for his birthday dinner. But that was the cutest conversation ever. It went something like this: 

Me (while holding him and walking upstairs to change his diaper): Sawyer, what do you want for your birthday dinner? 

Sawyer: din?

Me: yeah, what should we eat? 

Sawyer: eat?

Me: should we have French fries? 

Sawyer: fries. 

Me: should we have berries?

Sawyer: beerrrries.

Me (in the process of changing his diaper): yeah, berries. Do you want to have sook for your birthday dinner?

Sawyer (rather excited): sook!

Me: sook! Should we have chicken for your birthday dinner? 

Sawyer: chikeh?

Me: yeah, chicken! Should we have cake? 

Sawyer (giggling): cake!!

So, that's what I pulled together, mainly taking a stab at what he'd like, based on what he usually likes to eat. 

We sang to him and had cupcakes and he opened the few remaining presents, mostly the things the girls had made him and a new animal noises book. What the kids made him for his birthday melted my heart. Brooke handmade him a little quilt with whatever fabric she could find, Camille wrote him a book about dinos, and Jack made him a cardboard backhoe loader. 😍

The quilt that Brooke made him is so cute, and he loved it. He kept snuggling it and biting it. ❤

I write a lot about Sawyer, because he's just so dang cute. But here's some more: 

He's the sweetest little boy, not too snuggly, though, unless he's upset about something. He loves playing with cars and trucks, like his big brother. He loves shoes and putting on his own shoes; he's not really into wearing other people's shoes. And he'll go get his socks and shoes when I ask him to. He loves to be outside, but usually not if he has to play by himself. He just wants to be where the other kids are. He can say a handful of words, but his little vocabulary is growing every day. He loves to eat and has a pretty good appetite usually, and he almost completely trusts me when it comes to food. But I find that even if he has his own plate of food that's almost exactly like mine, he still wants to eat my food. I think he still likes to have help eating. He loves to be with his siblings, and he's started playing cars and trucks with Jack. It's adorable to see them love being together and playing together. They also like to rough house on the couch cushions. He still loves his Lamby and his Monkey and his blankie, and he snuggles with them all the time. Lately he has had opinions about what we read to him at bedtime: he likes "I wrote to the zoo" and "click, clack, moo" and usually chooses one of those... or a truck book. We all obsess over his cuteness and love that he's part of our family. 

 Just now, as Sawyer is walking upstairs, to get socks for himself, I called, "love you!" to him. And he called, "yuv you!" back to me! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

I can't handle how excited my heart was and how it melted. 💗

Speaking of him getting socks by himself: one day a few weeks ago, he wanted to get shoes on and I told him he needed socks. I didn't think he'd go get socks by himself, but he walked away and I gave him a minute before going to get them myself. But then he came back to me a couple minutes later with 2 pairs of socks. I was surprised and delighted. He was so cute, coming with his socks and wanting to put his shoes on. He's a smart little dude. 

Now, every time I ask him to go get socks, he always brings me 2 pair, and I always wondered about that until it hit me a few days ago: he doesn't know that each folded pair has 2 socks in it, but he does know that he has 2 feet and needs a sock for each foot! So he brings "2 socks" (but really, 2 pairs). 

He's just the cutest of little people. 

Mental Wellness RS Night Notes

•  Follow your intuition and check on people when you get prompting
• Ask the question twice: "how are you really?" Help people open up
• If you can name it you can tame it; call out the emotion and it will lessen; allow yourself to sit in the emotion
• Important to get close to people so that you can tell when someone is feeling off 
• The atonement is not just for repentance and forgiving of sins, it's also to heal emotional and mental wounds, to heal heartache
• Don't live for lifelong happiness; live a life according to your values; live a life rich-ful and meaningful. 

Emma's Last Blessing (we used part of this for our girls camp faith walk; I just thought this whole thing was beautiful and tragic) 

Some time shortly before Joseph was leaving for Carthage, Emma asked him for a blessing. The Prophet told her he didn’t have time just then to give her a blessing, but for her to write the best blessing she could and he would sign it when he returned. Emma wrote [the desires of her heart as a blessing from the Lord through Joseph]:

First of all that I would crave as the richest of heaven’s blessings would be wisdom from my Heavenly Father bestowed daily, so that whatever I might do or say, I would not look back at the close of the day with regret, nor neglect the performance of any act that would bring a blessing. I desire the spirit of God to know and understand myself that I might be able to overcome whatever Tradition or nature that would not tend to my exaltation in the eternal worlds. I desire a fruitful, active mind, that I may be able to comprehend the designs of God, when revealed through His Servants without doubting. I desire the spirit of discernment, which is one of the blessings of the Holy Ghost.

I particularly wisdom to bring up all the children that are, or may be committed to my charge, in such a manner that they will be useful ornaments in the Kingdom of God, and in the coming day rise up and call me blessed.

I desire prudence that I may not through ambition abuse my body and cause it to be prematurely old and care-worn, but that I may wear a cheerful countenance, live to perform all the work I covenanted to perform in the spirit-world and be a blessing to all who may in any wise need aught at my hands.

I desire with all my heart to honor and respect my husband as my head, to ever live in his confidence and by acting in unison with him to retain the place which God has given me by his side. I desire to see my kindred and friend embrace the principles of Eternal Truth, that I may rejoice with them in the blessings which God has in store for all who are willing to be obedient to His requirements.

Finally, I desire that whatever may be my lot through life I may be enabled to acknowledge the hand of God in all things.”

And she did, Joseph went to Carthage, the blessing was never signed.

https://www.josephsmithjr.org/emmas-last-blessing/

Yesterday was a rough day. Brooke got frustrated to the point of tears about both math and piano, and I tried to be calm and help her get over her frustration. She gets so frustrated that she closes up her brain and doesn't think anymore, which is frustrating to me. I kept my cool mostly pretty well, but at one point, her frustration was getting to me, and I just told her that I couldn't keep doing this with her. 

This happens often. Almost daily, in the case of math. And I've tried a variety of things to help her, but nothing seems to help. It makes me wonder if maybe I should put them back into school. The last few weeks have been really hard, with homeschooling. That little voice in my head keeps saying, "if you put them in school, it would be so much easier. You don't HAVE to homeschool them. You all might be better off that way." 

I became really discouraged yesterday about the kind of mother I am. I'm so far from the kind of mother I want to be, and it feels impossible to get there. Every single day, I feel ashamed and disappointed in myself for one thing or another: I got after my kids for something little (or bigger); I didn't play with them enough or spend time with them; I was in my own world and didn't pay them attention; I was distracted on my phone to much; I spoke to them without respect; I made them feel little and ashamed. That's not who I want to be. 

So, basically the whole day was spent wallowing in discouragement, self-doubt, self-pity, and frustration. It wasn't a great day. 

I said a desperate, heart-felt prayer last night, just pouring out my frustrations to Heavenly Father and playing for help. And I feel like I got a very clear answer. A tool to help me in my parenting:

STOP. ✋️ You are choosing                                (fill in the blank: frustration, anger, depression, disappointment, etc). Reframe your thoughts. 

This is how it would look in real life: 

STOP. ✋️ You are choosing frustration. Reframe your thoughts: you don't like the mess; but they are playing so well together, having fun and learning in the process. Messes can be cleaned up. Water the flowers. 

STOP. ✋️ You are choosing anger. Reframe your thoughts: you've asked them to do this thing many times; they are not listening because they have better things to do (ie they're playing, they're reading, they're doing what they want to do). Gently and kindly insert yourself into their consciousness, and be firm in your boundary.

STOP. ✋️ You are choosing anger and disappointment. Reframe your thoughts: they are doing exactly what you told them not to do. Apparently they really wanted to do this thing, so much that they risked being disobedient and angering you. Tell them what they CAN do, or find a time when they can do this thing they want to do. 

Etc. There are a myriad of situations this is applicable. I'm hoping that I can put in the work to make this work for me. 

The other thing that I felt impressed about while I was praying was the need to practice skills. I have often thought of cues that could help me be a better mom and more calm and patient. But it's hard for me to use them when I'm in that reactive state. The Spirit whispered to me last night that I need to practice and role-play with myself, to go through mental exercises so that I can create this habit of STOPPING when I feel my emotions getting out of control. It won't just happen; I need to make these things happen by practicing the skills and mentally putting myself in those situations so that I know how to act when those situations actually do arise. 

I'm tired of the mom I am. I'm ready to do better. Here's hoping that I can practice and become better, that I can change my thoughts and my stories in my head so that I can be happier with my kids. 

 I went to dinner at a frozen custard diner and shopping at downeast and target and the temple with Sarah and DeAnna last night. It's so nice to have friends that'll do anything with you. And good friends to motivate me to be better and to go to the temple. It's just so wonderful. I feel blessed to have them. We had fun! 

And then today, DeAnna sent us this screenshot and message. 😭❤️

 

I just love them both so much. I love our trio friendship and the absence of drama with them. 

Mother's day today was sad. My whole family is sick. Brooke and Camille and Sawyer are getting better from being sick this week; but Daniel and Jack were completely out of it, lying around the house all day. I went to church by myself (which wasn't the worst actually. I sat with Sarah, hoping to help her through sacrament meeting. But the bishopric was excused to sit with their families today, so I didn't really help). And I made myself food and cleaned up by myself. 🙄 I put the Prince of Egypt on for all the sickies while I made dinner. 

Jack took like 5 naps today. Poor little fellow. He really wasn't feeling good. 

Sawyer Translator

Fschruck (which evolved from fschrup, which evolved from fschru, which evolved from fru): truck

Wah-er: water/milk/bottle/ playing in the sink with water

Carrr: car

Sook: juice

Sop/saw: stop it

Sie: outside

Sawyer is learning new words every day and we all find it delightful. Along with these words, he also says wait, cake, shoes, socks, two, sit there, bunny, ball, go. What I especially find hilarious and endearing is that even though he can't say many words, he often chatters away in baby gibberish like everyone can understand what he's saying. I love it. 

Lately, his favorite things are cars and trucks (taking after brother), playing with the water from the faucet and kitchen things in the sink, his bottle filled with just about anything, and sitting on the counter when I'm doing things in the kitchen. And of course Lamby and blankie. He also has a current obsession with his shoes and putting his shoes on. Not really anyone else's shoes; just his.

 Camille made the cutest, cleverest little craft today: a Noah's ark necklace.

She traced all the shapes onto cardboard from a stencil we have, the ark and a bunch of animals, colored them and strung them all onto a piece of yarn. And it's absolutely adorable. 😍

Also this cute note she left on my nightstand: 

April Highlights

 Jumping back into life after spending March in Hawaii wasn't the easiest. It was nice to be home that first week, and the girls did pretty well getting back into a school routine. They didn't complain too much about doing school, and they got their work done pretty well. The kids all struggled to get back into a sleep routine, especially after such a time difference. But we managed to adjust again. 

Playing with cousins at Gramma's house over spring break

Sawyer and Jack distracting dad from scripture study

The first week of April was spring break for everyone else. But since we had taken a bunch of days off of school in Hawaii, we just did school that whole week. My kids played with the Perkins kids a bunch that week too, after they got their school work done. 

General conference was that first weekend, and we were busy! We had Brian and Sammy come watch the first session with us, and we had breakfast with them. Then I went to dinner and the women's session with DeAnna and Sarah later that day. We did Sunday morning at home, and then drove out to Michael and Michelle's house for the afternoon session + dinner. It was a fun weekend! 

Cookies for conference 

We all had dentist appointments that first week home, too. Camille had 3 more cavities! 😱 That girl. She's had a bunch of cavities already in her permanent teeth. Brooke also went in to get the grooves in her front teeth filled. She hated the experience, but now her teeth look so good. No more broken grooves! She said it felt weird at first. 

I had bunco night the second week in April, which is always a fun time. And that Friday night, Daniel and I had a dinner with some of his coworkers and their spouses at some fancy restaurant in Salt Lake City. It was nice. 

That Saturday, we had our family service project: cleaning up trash. We hiked about a quarter of a mile up a trail that Daniel likes to bike on, to a place where a ton of trash had blown in the wind and got caught in the trees and brush. It was really cold that day, and super windy. So we were all bundled up, hiking up there with our trash bags. We picked up trash for maybe a little over an hour and cleaned the whole spot up. We filled like 4 regular sized trash bags and a couple big black trash bags and carried it down to our car. It was kind of a fun little service project! 

Soccer started up again mid-April. So we got busy with middle of the week practices and Saturday soccer games. Brooke and Camille both won their first game of the season... and they've lost I think every game since then. 😬😩

Easter week was nice, focusing on the Savior in our scripture study and traditions. We had our Jerusalem supper, and aunt Emily came for that. The girls and I did a fun homeschooling science experiment, dyeing Easter eggs using natural materials. We boiled dried onion leaves, blueberries, beets, red cabbage, and turmeric in water for an hour and then put the liquid into jars with the hardboiled eggs overnight. They turned out so cool! It was a fun activity. 

We also did traditional Easter egg dyeing the Saturday before Easter, and later that afternoon, just before it started raining, we did our egg hunt. 

Jack made the Garden tomb at church on Easter Sunday 

Jack's 5th birthday was the 3rd Saturday, and we threw him a little birthday party with his friends that day. We did a truck painting craft and let the kids play together. We did a pin the wheel on the monster truck game, decorated cupcakes, and opened presents. I think it was a hit, and it was so easy. 

We had our family birthday dinner the Sunday after and invited Gramma and Grampa Holbrook to party with us. Jack wanted hotdogs and mini bell peppers and roasted broccoli and chips. And he asked for a strawberry kiwi birthday cake. I was surprised because he knew exactly what he wanted, and he came up with that all by himself. It turned out so good! 

I've been busy planning girls camp all of April with DeAnna. It's kind of a big job, which Daniel doesn't quite understand. 🤣 He's like, "wow, you spend a lot of time working on girls camp. Is it really that much work?"

I had a girls night with the Holbrook women the last Friday of the month. We met in Orem at the pizza place we went to last year around this same time. It was so fun getting together with them and catching up.

Brooke wanted to invite some of her friends to one of her soccer games. I didn't think that was a great idea, but I asked some of her friends moms if they could come. Lily and Jack Christensen were able to come with us, so I picked them up and brought them along. I thought they would get bored and wouldn't have fun watching Brooke play soccer. But I was so wrong! They were the best little cheerleaders, they watched Brooke play for most of her game and they talked with her when she had breaks and they encouraged her. And after the game they kicked a ball around with her. It was actually so fun to bring friends along to her soccer game! I'm glad I did it even though I didn't really want to and didn't think it would end well. And the friends were excited to have been asked to come! It was so good. 

And we ended the month with stake conference. 

April 27th we finished reading the Book of Mormon as a family! It was so exciting. 

There was a fire truck parked at one of Brooke's soccer games. The boys were very excited. 😊