The Most January of All Januarys

This January has been a very 'January' January. A couple of weeks ago, I was just having one of those weeks. Last week and this week are better. But it's still just... January. 

It's been hard for me being in a new ward. I've come home from church and meetings on Sundays and just cried a few times, because I don't like this change. Our original 3rd ward was so special and wonderful. There's no way to recreate it. And it's like we've just moved into a new ward, which is so hard. It'll be like a year before we all feel comfortable again. This contributes to the feeling of January. 

Also the girls are having a hard time with momentum in school. Especially Camille. She's just not loving doing school right now, and she complains a lot about it. The first week of the month, we even got into fights almost every day about school stuff. It was really hard. Things have been better the last couple of weeks, thankfully. 

We've also been doing really fun things, though. We keep busy. I took the kids swimming one day with Clarissa and DeAnna and their kids. We went to Maya's baptism a couple of Saturdays ago. Cap invited Jack to his birthday party at the beginning of the month. It was Dino themed, and so fun. Jack and I had a bit of a day afterwards -- we went to sprouts for groceries, I took him to chic fil a for lunch, and then we ran errands before going home. We've hung out with friends a bit, especially on days where there's no school. Daniel took Jack to school ninja warrior night. I think they had fun together.

Brooke started crochet lessons this month. She's taking a break from painting class to take these lessons from Kimberly Davis, a friend in our ward. She LOVES them. She only goes every other week, but she wishes she could go every week. I think she's learning a lot, and it's exciting to see her growing and learning and getting good at something. 

We've had some get to know you activities in our ward: a linger longer after church one Sunday; I went to a youth get to know you activity; the girls had a get to know you primary activity with the other primary girls. It's been a lot, but probably necessary under the circumstances. 

I was immediately called into young women's again, the first Sunday in our new ward. They asked me up meet with the bishopric that first Sunday, and I was so nervous that I would be called to be the president of something. Because our ward was in shambles after the changes, so so many callings, especially presidency callings, were needing to be filled. Fortunately, I was only called as a counselor. 2nd counselor in young women's presidency. So. I'm back in young women's. Which is fine. It's proved difficult, trying to get to know all the young women I don't know, and also working in a presidency that I don't know at all. But I'm sure it'll get better with time. 

With the changes, suddenly there's a boom in social activities. This month has been a lot for me. The now 3rd ward has a charcuterie club that they adopted from the 4th ward, and I skipped that activity. But I had bunco at the beginning of the month. Then DeAnna, Sarah and I have been watching Crash Landing on You for a few months, an episode or 2 every week. It's just felt like a lot of social things. It's hard, wanting to keep old friendships with people in my old ward, and also wanting to get to know and build friendships with people in my new ward. 

We've had friends over a bit; I've had lunch play dates with Sarah and DeAnna separately; we've had people over for dinner. It's been nice, getting to spend more time with friends. 

The girls had a piano recital on Saturday, at the church. They were both so nervous about playing. And, predictably, I got 0 pictures. 🙄 They both did really well! I was actually impressed with how well they played their songs, even in front of a bunch of people. (Especially considering how little Camille practices 😂) Brooke worked very hard to get her piece all polished and perfected. She played a simplified version of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and she played it near perfectly, after turning one of her sheets right side up. It was funny, because she sat down and put her music up, started playing, stopped a couple of lines in, said, "what the heck?", turned one page around, and started over. Silly girl. Camille played "Give Said the Little Stream," and did really well. I was very proud of them. I tried to just sit back and enjoy it and really take it in... therefore I did not take video. But now I kind of wish I had. Or at least a picture. Oh well. Live and learn. 

The overall feeling of January has been... blah. I had a little over a week, at the very beginning of January that I struggled with things. Just feeling overwhelmed and feeling overly bad about myself and second guessing all of my decisions. All month, homeschool has been a struggle, and I wondered if I was doing the right thing keeping my kids home for school. All month (on and off), I've struggled with my body and feeling bad about how I look. All month (off and on), I've beat myself up for not being a better mom. It's just been kind of a struggle all month long. I don't why January is sometimes so hard. Plus winter. And it's been especially cold this month. 

I love hearing my kids' imaginative play on Sundays while I'm in the kitchen making dinner. I overheard this particular gem: 

Jack (in a very dramatic voice): Jesus. Saved. Everyone. ... With a gust of wind!!

And later on, at least several minutes: ... on CHRISTMAS DAY.

😂😂 

Cute little boy. 

And also, thank goodness January is over.

Brooke, Camille and Daniel made a snow fort one day after we had, like, a foot of snow over the course of a day or so. 

All watching craft videos together. It's one of their things. 😊

Playing dolls in the poinsettia plants

Playing outside, bringing his car out, on one of the not freezing days

The kids helping Daniel with his workout 😂

Jack created a garbage truck with all the toy stuff. He even dumped "trash" (really just a collection of toys) into the back

First time ever snowshoeing. I went with a small group of women from the stake, and Sarah. I really enjoyed it! And my calves were toast the next day. 

Sawyer's first potato person drawing. 😍 I'm sad it was not on something more permanent. So I took a picture. 

Sunday notes

 1/8/23

• Our leaders are not perfect people; but they are doing their best and they are earnestly seeking to do God's will
• How I can follow Christ better this week: pray more earnestly, repent more quickly and sincerely 
• "Live in such a way that people who know you but don't know Christ will want to know Christ because they know you."

1/15/23

• Need to butter up to Ace, so that I am better able to help Lauren; we need to get here earlier to get a long bench for all of us 
• Challenge: visit someone you wouldn't normally visit -- first thought, Sammy
• Stake theme for the year: follow the Savior's example
• President Monson to the speaker, "I have nothing better to do with my time than talk to you right now." If the Holy Ghost prompts you to do something, just do it. It is the most important thing you can do with your time. It's important to pay attention -- I can get answers from the Spirit if I pay attention, answers that affect my life and my family's life
• When we are trying to be like Jesus, we are doing everything we came here to do; that's it, that's all we need to do, become like Jesus. 

1/22/23

• Come until Jesus in humility of heart; "I am weak, but Thou art strong"
• What can I do this week to come to Jesus? Pray in greater sincerity -- pour out my heart to God, discuss with Him my troubles, my weaknesses, my plans. Read scriptures FIRST, before anything else. Ask who I can serve this week -- who can I help, who can I bring to Christ? 
• We can overcome sadness through the Atonement of Christ -- I've been troubled this week about many things. I can turn more to Christ. Think of the story of Peter walking on the water. Focusing on the storm is what makes us start to sink -- into depression, into anxiety, into guilt, into hiding. Focusing on Christ saves us from the storm. 

1/29/23

• "I cannot give up my religion. My religion is more dear to me than my life." Story of 2 martyrs in Mexico during revolution. 
• "Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain." Richard G. Scott, October 1995 General Conference, Trust in the Lord

My Unfinished Letter to Jesus

 The young women teaching our young women's class today prompted us to do this, and I definitely cried while writing.

Dear Jesus, 

I'm pretty emotional today. I'm thinking about you and everything you've done for me and my family. Sometimes, I don't feel very close to you. Sometimes, I don't remember you enough. Lately, I feel troubled about so many things. There is some drama in my family. There's so much evil in the world. It's hard to distinguish what is right and what is wrong. It's hard to know how to stand up for what is right, while also being loving to those who struggle. It's hard to feel so divided and different from other people. 

I have great desires to do what is right. I think you know that. But I get frustrated by how often I fall short and fail. I wish I was a better and more patient mom. I wish I was a more considerate wife and friend. I wish I was less prideful and vain and selfish. I wish I knew better how to rely on your strength and goodness. 

At the same time, I recognize how amazingly blessed I am! Why have I been blessed with the gospel when so many people have not been? Why am I blessed with 4 children when I know so many people that struggle to have kids? Why am I blessed to travel and have cool experiences in this life? Why am I blessed temporally with all I need and more? I chalk it all up to God's goodness and grace and mercy. I don't deserve good things, but He gives them anyway. 

I wish I knew more about your life. What was your favorite thing about living in Israel? What is your favorite part of creation? What's with giraffes and elephants? And sea creatures! It's like they come from another world! What was it like to live when you did?