Talk on the Holy Ghost

 I was invited to give a talk on the Holy Ghost this week, which felt really soon... I gave a talk, like, 6 months ago, and then bore my testimony for ward conference last month, the same Sunday I sang in Sacrament meeting... I figured I would have a little more time before having to get up again. Haha! Aw, well. Brother Howells asked me to prepare to speak for 15 minutes. I waaaayyy over-prepared, which means I'll be picking and choosing what from my talk I'm going to say. But I definitely felt the Holy Ghost directing my thoughts this week. I learned from a ton of different talks and scriptures and had some cool thoughts while I prepared this talk. So, while it's definitely too long, I wanted to preserve the whole thing, just because it was a cool experience to write it.

 I especially loved asking people around me how they hear the Holy Ghost speaking to them. It just made for some really cool, uplifting conversations with people this week. So, without further ado,

For the past few weeks, we have been talking about the Godhead in our Family Home Evenings, just so that our kids have a foundational understanding of who God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Ghost are. A couple of weeks ago, we distinguished the difference between who God is and who Jesus is, and we talked about some of the names of Jesus. This week, we had a discussion about the Holy Ghost, and on our whiteboard at home, I drew a continuum line and tried to explain that the strength to which we feel the Holy Ghost in our lives varies and fluctuates. Feeling the Holy Ghost in our lives is dependent on our choices and actions, of course. But even when we are doing our best, we will feel His influence at times stronger or not as strong.

Everyone can feel the influence of the Holy Ghost in their lives. One of the main jobs of the Holy Ghost is to witness to a person that something is true and right. When investigators are learning the gospel, it is the Holy Ghost that helps them to know it is true and helps them have a desire to be baptized and confirmed. But the GIFT of the Holy Ghost is something more, something special. When a person exercises faith in Jesus Christ to repentance and baptism, they receive the gift of the Holy Ghost and they are promised that they can always have the Holy Ghost with them, assuming they are worthy for his companionship. President Oaks said, “The blessings available through the gift of the Holy Ghost are conditioned upon worthiness. ‘The Spirit of the Lord doth not dwell in unholy temples.’ Even though we have a right to his constant companionship, the Spirit of the Lord will dwell only with us when we keep the commandments. He will withdraw when we offend him by profanity, uncleanliness, disobedience, rebellion or other serious sins.”

So, our actions, our thoughts, our attitudes all influence if and how much we can feel the Holy Ghost with us. But even when we are doing our absolute best, living our lives in harmony with the teachings of the gospel, there will be times when we don’t feel his influence as much. Elder Bednar said, “As we gain experience with the Holy Ghost, we learn that the intensity with which we feel the Spirit’s influence is not always the same. Strong, dramatic spiritual impressions do not come to us frequently. Even as we strive to be faithful and obedient, there simply are times when the direction, assurance, and peace of the Spirit are not readily recognizable in our lives. In fact, the Book of Mormon describes faithful Lamanites who ‘were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not.’”

It is our baptismal covenants, and the renewing of our covenants as we take the Sacrament every Sunday, that brings the gift of the Holy Ghost and His presence into our lives. President Oaks said, “When we consciously and sincerely renew our baptismal covenants as we partake of the Sacrament, we renew our qualifications for the promise ‘that we may always have His Spirit to be with us.’” I love this thought from Elder Bednar, speaking of the covenant promise: “Taking ‘the Holy Spirit for our guide’ is possible and is essential for our spiritual growth and survival in an increasingly wicked world. Sometimes as latter-day saints, we talk and act as though recognizing the influence of the Holy Ghost in our lives is the rare or exceptional event. We should remember, however, that the covenant promise is that we may always have His Spirit to be with us. This supernal blessing applies to every single member of the Church who has been baptized, confirmed and instructed to ‘receive the Holy Ghost.’”

So, I feel like he’s saying that we are likely feeling the Holy Ghost more than we may think. What does the Holy Ghost feel like? I think everyone is different, and the Holy Ghost speaks to us in different ways. I was in a Stake Women’s Conference lesson last year, and I remember someone saying that the Holy Ghost knows each of us and will speak to a person in a way that jives with their personality or that is especially recognizable to them. For example, someone who may be more in tune with their emotions might feel the Holy Ghost speaking to their feelings and emotions, whereas another person who may tend to be more logical will feel the Holy Ghost speaking to their minds. I love this thought, that the Holy Ghost will speak to each of us in a way that connects the most with us. So, again, what does it feel like?

·       In a general conference talk that I read this week, the general authority who was speaking, I believe it was President Eyring, said that when he is being influenced by the Holy Ghost, it’s simply a feeling of light.

·       Daniel told me that he can just feel when something is right.

·       I feel the traditional burning bosom, when the Holy Ghost is testifying to me that something is true, and frequently I have what I think of as “ping thoughts”. A “ping thought” is when a thought will suddenly pop into my head unbidden, when I’m thinking about something completely unrelated. These tend to be something like, “Text this person and see how they are.” “Call your mom.” “Go apologize to your child.” “Write a thank you note to such and such a person.”

·       When I asked my kids how they think they feel the Holy Ghost, they seemed unsure at first. But I asked them when the last time they could recognize that they felt the Holy Ghost, and they said in the Saratoga Springs temple, at the Open House. And when I asked what they felt in the temple, they said they felt peaceful and happy.

·       My sister said that when she is in spiritual environments or meetings, and really trying to focus on feeling the Holy Ghost, images will come to her mind. She said that normally her brain is not good at imagining things and images in her mind are never very clear. But when she’s trying to feel the Spirit, the images are clearer than normal.

·       One friend that I asked said this: “If I’m seeking an answer from the Holy Ghost, I feel like that answer is stronger or louder, more persistent than others. It makes the prompting feel important. I have learned over time that if I push that thought away, occasionally I’ll get a second chance, but not always. So I need to respond the first time.” She continues, “If I’m seeking comfort from the Holy Ghost, I have often felt a literal tightness in my shoulders (like receiving a hug, I think, not like her being stressed). Or I have seen Him through others, like ministering from others.”

·       Another friend that I talked to said this: “I kind of feel a calm come over me, like something gently encouraging me to settle my mind as the thought or prompting softly comes in. I often feel it in my chest, like something stirring or lifting, and it sometimes travels to my throat. Sometimes, I tear up. Sometimes it comes a few times, sometimes it comes only once. I’m learning how to act on those things as they come, even if they seem random or small.”

·       This friend’s husband says that his throat gets tight when he feels the Holy Ghost.

·       And one of our sweet primary kids says the Holy Ghost feels “good, happy, warm, calm and peaceful.”

The Holy Ghost is one of the greatest gifts that Heavenly Father has given us. The Holy Ghost has many different and important roles in our lives. I want to talk about some of the ways that the Holy Ghost can and does help us.

·       He testifies of truth, helps us to feel what is true, and is the means by which we gain faith and testimony. Moroni 10:5 “And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.” I have had many little experiences with this in my life, but one poignant moment that comes to mind if just a simple one. It’s pretty vivid in my mind. We were driving in the car, the whole family, I believe. I can’t even remember where we were coming from… maybe the end of a road trip or back from Daniel’s parent’s house? And we were almost home. Daniel asked me to read the scriptures to him for our couple reading before we got home and became busy with getting kids to bed. I read these scriptures to him, from Alma 7, “And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.” And when I read those words, I felt the Spirit flood my chest, with that warm, light feeling, and I had the most powerful witness that Jesus is my Savior.

·       He brings all things to our remembrance. John 14:26 “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance.” I love this one, because I can be forgetful sometimes. I know I relied on the gift of the Holy Ghost when I was in the BYU testing center. I’m pretty sure I prayed before every test, so that I could remember all the things I studied. There have also been times in my life when He will help me to remember a prompting He’d already given me. Almost a year and a half ago, during the October session of General Conference, I received a very clear and out of the blue prompting, a “ping” thought, to reach out to one of my sisters. What I felt prompted to do was a little more involved and would have taken effort and planning, and I thought within myself that I needed to think this one over and how best to accomplish it. But over the next few months, life got busy – I went on a girls trip with my mom and sisters, and then it was into the holidays, and the new year. And I didn’t do what I was instructed to do. But midway through January, I remembered that prompting I’d had a few months before, and I went ahead with what I was to do. What’s interesting to me about this instance is that it was several months before I was reminded again. I think sometimes, often, the repeat prompting comes on the heels of the first one. And sometimes we need multiple repeat promptings, right? And if we keep ignoring them, the promptings stop altogether. But this time, the repeat prompting came several months after the first one. I think that is evidence of God’s patience with us, and that He is willing to give us second, third, 100 chances to get things right.

·       He comforts and brings us peace when we need it, when we’re unsettled, when we’re grieving. I think right along with this one is a favorite of mine, which is the feeling that we are acceptable to God, that our lives are right before Him, that our offering, however imperfect, is accepted, and that we are on the right track. The Holy Ghost can help us to feel this. The Savior said, “I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.” President Eyring teaches this: “The gift of peace is given after we have the faith to keep His commandments.” He says that, “the Holy Ghost will come and abide with us. The Lord says that as we continue to be faithful, the Holy Ghost will dwell in us. That is the promise in the sacramental prayer that the Spirit will be our companion and that we will feel, in our hearts and minds, His comfort.”

·        He warns and prepares us.

·       And he sanctifies and cleanses us. This sanctifying power of the Holy Ghost is fascinating to me. There are a few different definitions for the word sanctify: “1) to set apart to a sacred purpose or to religious use; 2) to free from sin; 3) to make productive of holiness or piety”. I love the thought that as we invite the Spirit to be with us more, and as we are sanctified by the Holy Ghost, we are being “set apart to a sacred purpose” and we are being “made productive of holiness”. The gift of the Holy Ghost is described in the scriptures sometimes as the “baptism by fire”. Fire is a purifier. In ancient times, fire was used to purify gold and caused impurities to rise to the surface, making them easier to remove. I have this symbolic image in my head of the Holy Ghost bringing all of our imperfections, our impurities, our weaknesses and our sins to the surface of our souls, or bringing them to the front of our minds, so that we can repent and work on removing them from our characters. As we live our whole lives striving to invite the Holy Ghost to be with us constantly, He changes us. We become something new and better.

A couple of random thoughts to end with:

1)      The voice of the adversary: We know that there is a Holy Ghost. We need to also know that there is, what President Boyd K Packer called “a spirit of opposition and evil.” He quoted the scripture Moroni (7:17), which says, “Whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him.” Then President Packer says, “The spiritual communications from the Holy Ghost can be interrupted by the promptings of the evil one. You will learn to recognize that. We must be able to detect the opposing influence.”

2)      As I’ve been learning how the Holy Ghost works with me and speaks to me, I’ve learned, in rather painful ways, that revelation is not something that we can force or expect. We CAN expect the Holy Ghost to always be with us, if we are striving to keep our covenants and repenting daily. That is God’s promise to us. But when we are seeking answers to questions, or guidance on what to do in our lives, we don’t always get answers exactly when and how we want them. Elder Stevenson said in the most recent general conference, “Spiritual matters cannot be forced. You can cultivate an attitude and an environment that invite the Spirit, and you can prepare yourself, but you cannot dictate how or when inspiration comes. Be patient and trust that you will receive what you need when the time is right.”

3)      President Oaks says: “If we are practicing our faith and seeking the companionship of the Holy Spirit, His presence can be felt in our hearts and in our homes. A family having daily family prayers and seeking to keep the commandments of God and honor His name and speak lovingly to one another will have a spiritual feeling in their home that will be discernible to all who enter it.”

Preparing for this talk has been a kind of educational experience with the Holy Ghost. It’s been really cool, actually. At first, the topic of the Holy Ghost felt SO broad. Usually, I like to do some study in the scriptures and general conference, and ruminate for a few days about the topic, see where my thoughts lead me. And then, as thoughts come, or an outline forms, I’ll start making notes and writing a talk. I used this pattern again, but it was so interesting to watch the evolution of my thoughts. At the beginning of the week, when I started my research phase, I had the impression to stop listening to my book. I listen to books a lot, when I’m getting ready or doing dishes and laundry, and I am currently listening to kind of a dark book. I felt like I should use this week to listen to conference talks and focus on spiritual things as I prepared for this talk. I just felt like this would be important to do, so I followed that prompting and started listening to other things. And I did the other things this week that would prepare me and bring the Spirit. The thoughts about this topic and this talk were slow in coming, at the beginning. I had a hard time knowing what I should specifically talk about. But as I started actually writing down some thoughts and quotes, it was amazing to see how my mind would turn to specific quotes or talks or scriptures or conversations I’ve had with people. One day, this week, as I was working on my talk, I felt flooded with thoughts, they were so fast in coming, and I barely had time to work through one thought or paragraph before another one was crowding in. I learned so much about the Holy Ghost and how He works in our lives, and I’ve been reminded of how vastly important He is in our development and growth in the Gospel. I’m still learning about His role in my life, how He speaks to me personally, and how I can increase His influence in my life. But here’s what I do know:

·       I know that He’s real. I have felt His influence many times for various reasons. I know that he testifies of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

·       I know that He is one of the greatest gifts that Heavenly Father has given us, to assist us in returning to live with Him again. It is another evidence of God’s love for each of us, that He provided the Gift of the Holy Ghost to guide, direct, encourage, and give peace to us in this life.

I have a testimony of the gospel. I believe in Jesus Christ and I know He knows us and loves us, that He Atoned for us and was resurrected. I know God lives and loves each of you, and there is a purpose to this earth life. I love the gospel and the plan of salvation.

School Stuff

 This school year has been hard. Jack has been a real challenge to homeschool, and it's been more emotionally hard on me than the past couple of years. I mean, I guess it's hard to remember that first year we did it. I remember Camille being kind of hard to homeschool as well, at the beginning. But last year was a pretty awesome year of homeschooling. Jack was in kindergarten, which meant that I was dropping him off at the bus stop and picking him up a lot. But we had some solid morning hours to do school while he was at school. We were in a pretty good groove. 

Here's how I have felt about this school year:

Adding another kid into the homeschool mix was more challenging than I thought it would be. Since Jack is only in 1st grade, his lessons are quite a lot shorter than Camille's, and his independent practice is quite a lot shorter than Brooke's. I figured that because of this, it wouldn't feel like too much adding him into homeschooling. But. Wo. Homeschooling my kids now takes me all. day. long. We start school in the morning, sometime in the 9 or 10 o'clock hours (I like starting at 9:30; any later and it feels like we are rushing the rest of the day to get it done, and any earlier is just hard to do). And then I'm either doing a lesson with someone, answering a question or helping someone with their work, or waiting for someone to be ready or to get something done. Or nagging someone to get school work done. I mean, obviously, there are stretches of time while kids are working on their own things that I can get something done, but it's usually not much time. I can't really get a ton done in those little moments. So, it really takes from 9ish in the morning to 4ish in the afternoon to get school done. Sometimes, if I'm lucky and the kids are motivated, we finish earlier than that. But usually not. And sometimes, if we're having quite a hard day, it'll take longer. It's the worst when I am still trying to get school done with Jack at 5:30 in the evening. It's days like that when we just have whatever we can rustle up for dinner.

Jack is a difficult kid to homeschool. He's so creative! He can build anything out of Lego or Brainflakes. It's really quite amazing the things he's made. And he has a hard time just sitting still. And he just wants to play all day. He whines and complains and resists every time I ask him to come do school stuff with me. He drags his heels while we do school, or he'll just be so silly that he gets no work done. And the fact that school takes so long for me to get through with all the kids these days, it drives me up the wall when he wastes time like that. I try to have patience with him when he's doing that, but after a while, I really get after him about it. And then I feel guilty about getting after him. So, really, it's just hard emotionally for me to do school with Jack. It's emotionally hard when he complains and resists doing school. Then it's emotionally hard when he pushes back and is silly and wastes time, because I have so much else to do. Then it's emotionally hard when I yell at him to get going on school stuff. It's just too hard. 

A couple of months ago, we had a particularly hard day together, and I basically just told him that I can't do it anymore. I said that I can't keep homeschooling him after this year if he doesn't improve his behavior and stop fighting me about school and giving me a hard time. It's too much. I cried and he cried, and we tried coming up with a solution for us. He said that if I reward him every time he does school, then it would be better, and he'd be more motivated to do school. It's something that I have thought of before, but I hesitated because I don't want him to get rewarded every single day for just getting school done. But we came up with a system where if he's good one day, all day, then he can earn a sticker, and if her earns 12 stickers, I will buy him one of those little friction driving cars. He loves those, so I thought he'd be motivated. But here we are in the middle of March, and he's only half way there. (Granted, there are some days that he's probably earned a sticker that I forget to give him one... but still...) 

That hard day that we had a heart to heart chat about school was the first day that I seriously considered putting my kids back in public school. Jack in particular. I Marco Polo'ed my mom and sisters about it asking for their advice, because I was at my wits end and didn't know what to do. Julie (and Mom later, when I called and talked to her) said that if I felt right about putting Jack in school, or if I needed a break, or if it was just too hard to school Jack, then it's okay to put him in school. And I don't have to feel guilty about it or like I was giving up. Julie suggested that maybe I put him in school next year or two, just so her grows up a little bit and gets older and more experienced, and then I pull him out of school again and try to homeschool him again. 

Brooke has pretty much learned how to do the whole homeschooling thing. She does have the advantage of being older than the other kids, and therefore more mature. She is almost always self-motivated, wants to get school done early, LIKES school (for the most part), and doesn't fight me much to do school. She also takes the least amount of time on my part (aside from helping her with corrections). I do about 5 or 10 minutes one-on-one with her for each lesson, and then she just goes. And she gets it done without me having to nag too much. The one exception to Brooke being completely amazing about school is that she struggles with math and always wants to put it off, especially if we've collected several lessons of corrections and need to get them done. She often gets frustrated when she doesn't understand a math concept, or has to do a lot of corrections. She often cries, and I have to help her calm down. This is the only thing that is sometimes frustrating and hard for me when I do school with Brooke.

Now, Camille. This being her third year of homeschooling, and being 2 years older than when we started, she has gotten the hang of doing school. And she's gotten great at being self-motivated. She doesn't fight me too much to do school, usually, although she's not quite as good as Brooke. But Camille will go through phases where she overreacts to things, acts like the victim in many situations, tries to be the martyr, snaps at her family members, and generally tries to make herself and everyone around her miserable. It's not my favorite. And she'll go for a few weeks like this, and then for a few weeks, she'll be much better. Well, this kind of whips me around emotionally doing school with her, because I don't know when I'm going to need to be extra careful not to set her off. Because once she gets set off, it's SO difficult to do school with her, because her attitude is appalling. One day last week, the weather was pretty nice, and she wanted to do math outside. I didn't want to do math outside because it was still pretty cold. And it's more comfortable doing school inside. So I said no. And she freaked out! Stomped up the stairs, yelling at me and accusing me of all kinds of things. And then it was so miserable doing math with her. She hated it and I hated it. So, even though Camille is mostly on the same page with school, and she's pretty good most of the time, the other times that she's NOT good, almost make up for it. And it's really hard on me.

Here's the thing: I LOVE homeschooling. There have been moments this year, when we're in the middle of a particularly uplifting lesson, or when my kids are reading an assigned book and it talks about God and faith, or when we learn cool things about history and science together, or I see how my children are progressing in reading and math, or I just look around at all my kids and we're together and we're learning and we're feeling the Spirit in our home ... There have been some amazing moments, this year in particular, when I just felt ... so good, when I LOVED homeschooling, and especially using the Good and the Beautiful program. There have been those moments when the Holy Ghost whispered to my heart that what we are doing is GOOD. I had a warm feeling in my heart, and I LOVED homeschooling in those moments. 

The reasons I love homeschooling:

1. I get to spend time with my kids, I love having them home for most of the days every day
2. My kids have the benefit of being heavily influenced by me (and other amazing things) all day every day, and they are not being influenced by the world so much
3. My kids have extra free time to play, read, practice piano, bake, write, etc. 
4. I love learning things with my kids
5. I love snuggling with my kids and hugging them and tickling them while we do school
6. We read... a lot of books together
7. We have the flexibility to do what we want to do, like piano lessons in the middle of the day
8. Anything counts as school: baking, going to the museum or zoo, reading a book together, watching educational videos, going for a walk, collecting leaves, and on and on
9. We are learning from a very uplifting and Christ-centered curriculum
10. My kids are not picking up behavioral issues from friends at school, nor are they picking up worldly ideals

Buuuut... and this is a big 'but'... this year has been REALLY hard. Not only because of the time it takes every day, but because of how emotionally difficult it has been. It's hard having all 3 kids fight me periodically about something so basic and important as DOING SCHOOL.

The reasons homeschooling has been so difficult this year (plus some other downsides):

1. I have negative interactions with my kids a lot (in the form of nagging them to get school done, enforcing consequences when they haven't done things, etc.)
2. The fighting, the resisting, the whining, the attitude take a toll on me emotionally
3. I can't get anything else done -- it takes forever to finish school in a day
4. I get tired of my kids bugging each other, fighting with each other, and then tattling and expecting me to do something about it
5. I wish I had more time to myself, more quite peaceful time 
6. My kids don't have as much time with their peers (but perhaps this is partially good, lol)
7. It's harder to make friends when they aren't going to school (but this year has been better for the girls)
8. It always comes down to me -- me teaching them, me harping at them to get chores done, me disciplining them, me feeding them, me playing with them -- sometimes I need a break, and also feel like sometimes they could use a break from me

In the 2 years prior to this school year, these negatives were far outweighed by all the things I loved. But this year... I don't know.

The kids and I had a talk about this last Friday, I think. I told them I was thinking about putting them back in school and gave them some of my reasons, and I asked them what they thought of the different options. I told them that Dad and I would make the final decision, but I did want to know their opinions to help me make my decision. Jack was dead set against going back to school (I think I threatened him too much this year with putting him back in school, because he kept saying, "Then I'll never have time to play!" Haha!). But both girls were in favor of either schooling option, only saying that they really wanted to be together, no matter what we were doing (i.e. they were against putting one or 2 kids back in public school while homeschooling the other(s)). We made some lists on the board and talked about it. Brooke said that she would like to try going to actual school again, even though she also loves homeschooling. 

I have many more thoughts about this. I sent a Marco Polo to Julie (a few actually, and they were all quite long), just explaining my thought process and the troubles I'm having with deciding. It was really helpful just to lay it all out there and say things out loud. And she gave me feedback about it. I'll do another post about all of that later. It's getting late and I need to get to bed. I have ward council early tomorrow. I will just say that currently I'm leaning heavily towards putting my kids in school next year. And I have such mixed feelings about it.

Wisdom from Mom

I read this today in my personal study & it really hit me. I can see this very thing happened in my family. Not so much when we were kids. We got along very well. But as we got older this happened & I see it in Pat's family in particular.

I pray you will be much wiser. I pray you will be kind & forgiving one to another. Be quick to forgive. Be quick to ask for forgiveness. Take care of your relationship one with another & treasure it as the blessing it is. We have been so blessed as a family. Let's show our appreciation for this great blessing by faithfully loving each other.

I too have these challenges that I am working on & will continue working on. I want us to be happy together.

Love you all so much. Now that you are parents & know you know just how much I love you. All of you. Each of you is my favorite child.

Austin

 I went on another girls trip! DeAnna, Sarah and I went to Austin, Texas this time, at the end of February. 

We did not prepare as much for this trip as with our New Orleans trip. All three of us were so busy, it was hard to find time to get together to plan a trip. But we did get a few things planned. DeAnna did most of the planning again, haha. She found and booked our hotel and the few activities that needed planning. And we all picked a food place we wanted to eat at. 

Mom took us to the airport Thursday morning, we got on a plane to Texas. Our Uber drive from the airport to our hotel was... really intense. He was a crazy driver, and I was slightly terrified that we were going to die. I pulled up a map just to make sure he was really going to our hotel. 😬 

We got to our hotel early afternoon, settled in and went to go find food. We were all starving, but fortunately we found a seafood restaurant (bar) just around the corner from our hotel. We were just early enough to get the happy hour discount, which was fabulous. The bar was almost completely empty aside from us. But, oh man. That was some good food!! We loved it. There was a killer seviche, a delicious lobster roll, and this crab stuffed shrimp. So good! 

We walked around the city after our early dinner, wandering into shops and stopping to look at wall murals, which were abundant in Austin. We walked all the way up to the capitol building and went inside to walk around a bit. It was a pretty cool building, and we talked about the history of Texas and the country. After wandering inside for a while, we sat on a bench just outside and enjoyed the beautiful weather. It was so warm there, and as night fell, it just felt so good to be outside. 

On our way back to the hotel, we stopped for snacks: fries and cookies. And took them back to our room to veg out and snack and watch our Korean show. 

We watched our show every night we were there. 😂 DeAnna packed her DVD player, haha, and brought her DVDs so that we could watch. And we all brought delicious snacks. So every night, when we were tired from the day's activities, we went back to the room and watched TV. Haha! And none of us were sad about it. 

Friday, we woke up early and got ready, walked through a sketchy part of town (loootttts of homeless people) to the car rental place, rented a car and drive a couple of hours to Waco. We jammed out to music all the way there, each picking a song and taking turns, listening to a wide variety of music. 

Our reason for Waco was, of course, to go to the Silos. And the Silos were just fun! The atmosphere was charming and fun and all about togetherness. It was quite a lot of shopping and stores. They had a bunch of small themed shops, and a couple of big warehouse or showhouse style stores. We bought a few souvenirs for ourselves and our kids. They also had a ton of food trucks there, a small baseball diamond for kids and families to play, and a wide grassy area for lounging and playing corn hole. It was just fun. We got a couple of cupcakes and desserts, and then went out for lunch. 

Our choice of lunch was Magnolia Table, which was the Gaines' restaurant in another part of Waco. They didn't have any tables available, so we just got take out and ate it on the patio at the restaurant. It was delicious and perfect. The day was so nice, too. We loved being out in the sun. 

We took a few minutes to drive around Baylor University, just to see it. It was quite a plain college, and there wasn't much landscaping or plants, but I guess that's Texas. 

Speaking of Texas, it was fun to drive out to Waco, because it gave us a chance to see more of the state. It is FLAT. So flat. It was kind of trippy to look around and see 0 mountains. It was flat and mostly didn't have many plants. 

We had some deep conversation as we drove back down to Austin. Before we went to drop the car off at the rental place, we stopped to do a hike, a little outside of the city. The place we stopped was called Bull Creek Preserve. We didn't hike long, just maybe half an hour or 40 minutes. And it was mostly just a nature walk, it wasn't strenuous at all (Texas being absent of hills), but we did walk alongside a shallow river that had some fun waterfalls.

That night we went to get tacos for dinner at Torchy's Tacos. I got 3 tacos (which ended up being a little too much), and my favorite was the salmon taco, which was just... so good. We walked around the city for a while, and then went back to our room to hang out and relax. It was a packed day. 

I had a very hard time sleeping that night. The sleeping arrangement was interesting. There were 2 queen beds and a sofa with a hideaway bed. The first night I shared a bed with DeAnna, because last time I'd shared with Sarah. Welllll... DeAnna snores. 😬 And every time I've shared a sleeping space with her (girls trips, girls camp,  stake women's camp), I put on a sleep nose machine app on my phone to help drown out the noise. Which works well... unless you are sleeping in the same bed as the person who snores, haha. It was very difficult to sleep that first night. And the second night wasn't shaping up any better. So I moved to the sofa after an hour or 2 of not sleeping. 

DeAnna, freaked me out, though, when I was trying to move. I tried to get up and move slowly and quietly to get out of bed, but I must have disturbed DeAnna, because she sat bolt upright in bed, muttering something incoherent, and just started swinging her head back and forth like she was looking at something or for something. And every once in a while she would say something. She sat that way, moving her head back and forth, for several minutes, and I sat frozen in bed next to her, watching. Eventually, I laid back down, hoping she would do the same, which she did, after a minute. I lay there for several more minutes, wondering if it would work to try and move again. After a little while, I tried to get up again, and this time, she stayed asleep. So I moved a couple of pillows to the couch and pulled out the extra blanket so that I could get some sleep. It still took me until after 3 in the morning to get to sleep. I read my book and played sudoku for a bit in an attempt to calm my mind. 

Our big event on Saturday, after I slept really late in the morning (Sarah and DeAnna apparently got up and went to breakfast without me, because I was still dead asleep) and after we got ready for the day, was a food tour. After we were ready, we went out much too early for our tour. But we found this spot near a bar that had outdoor couches under a lovely big tree, and we just went and sat outside for a while. The weather was lovely, and we just soaked it up and chatted a while. 

Our food tour was so fun! We met up with our guide and about 10 other people, and he walked us all around the city, stopping at various restaurants and bringing us out little tastes and bites of things. We had breakfast tacos, Reuben sliders, peanut butter and jelly smoothies, falafel balls, authentic Texan barbecue, and the most delicious and softest cheesecake with caramel sauce that I've ever had. My favorites were probably the slider and the cheesecake. We weren't super impressed with the BBQ place he took us to, although their baked beans were so so good. 

We were stuffed after our food tour, and we knew we probably wouldn't really need dinner that night. It was mid afternoon by the time we finished our tour. So we went back to the hotel and watched an episode of our Korean show before going back out in the evening. We wanted to walk across Congress Bridge to see the other side of Congress. We were told it was a "must see", with all kinds of shopping and food and music. But we were kind of underwhelmed. Maybe we were there at the wrong time, but must shops were closed, we were too full still to eat, and we saw only 1 musician, performing on the side of the street near a restaurant. So we walked up and down the street for more than an hour, and then just decided to go back to the hotel. It felt a bit like a bust. We were hoping to hear more music while we were in Austin, especially that night, and we didn't really. 

Sunday morning we slept in too late to go to church. Plus, my friends aren't really interested in going to church while traveling, so they were basically just going to go to church for me. Anyway, we skipped that idea. We had breakfast (and a cool gospel discussion about resurrection while we ate) and got ready for the day leisurely. We decided that day to get a metro bike pass so that we could rent bikes and drop them off at drop sites all through the city all day. We would pick up a bike, ride it to wherever we wanted to go, drop it off at a station so that we could walk around, and then find another bike to ride. It was so fun! Probably my favorite thing we did.

We rode up to the university to look around. We walked a little bit through campus, through their version of the Wilkinson Center, went to their bookstore to get souvenirs, and then we went to a big grassy area and pulled out a deck of cards and played games on the lawn for a while and talked. It was a lovely day. 

We rode back towards our hotel and went for an early dinner at a sushi place. Then we got some bikes again and rode around the lake, on a little biking/ walking path. We saw the sun set while we were riding around the lake, and it was beautiful! The ride was so refreshing and fun, the weather was perfect (if a little warm), we loved everything about our ride. 

It started getting dusky when we were coming back around the lake to Congress, and I was seeing all these things flitting around in the sky. So I stopped to get a better look. "Are these ... bats??" The Congress Bridge is famous for having this certain type of bat living under it. And during the spring and early summer, people gather on and around the bridge to watch these bats swarm out from the bridge at dusk to go hunting. And there are millions that fly out when it's peak season! We were there a little too early for peak season. But there were still hundreds of bats swooping out from under the bridge after the sun set. And it was just so cool to see! We stood there watching and videoing for maybe 10 or 15 minutes. 

When we were done with our bike ride around the lake, we rode up to some souvenir shops to finish up our shopping. It was a pretty sketchy part of town. Lots of homeless people and bars and drunk people, so we didn't linger. We did our thing and the left. Before going back to our hotel room, we went to get some yummy desserts at a nearby restaurant: dulce de leche cake and something else that I can't remember (it must not have been as good as the cake 🤣). We took our dessert back to our room and ate while we watched our show. 

It was kind of funny, and we laughed at ourselves for having spent every night in our room watching TV while we were in vacation. But really, at that point in the day, we had done so much and were pretty tired. And we did get out and do quite a lot. Plus, you know, the night life of a city doesn't appeal that much to us. We did rather enjoy watching our show together, though. 🤣

We had most of Monday to spend before our flight, and so we got ready and packed and went for an early lunch at a really popular BBQ place. We rented bikes to get ourselves there, because it would've been like a half hour walk there. That barbecue place was SO good. We got a bunch of different sides -- green beans, Mac and cheese, coleslaw -- and then a few different meats. And everything was so delicious! I'm glad we made the little trek there for it. We needed to experience really good authentic Texan barbecue. 

For our last few hours, we went to a botanical garden to walk around for a bit (which was underwhelming because it was the dead of winter) and then back to the hotel, where we played card games in the lobby until it was time to head to the airport. Our flight back was uneventful, and we got in late on Monday night, where Daniel came to pick us up from the airport. 

It was a great girls trip. 

Calling Part 2

So. I thought about my new calling more in Denver than I'd wanted to. I tried not to, but I couldn't help it. And there were a few times when I was probably quiet and Daniel asked, "What are you thinking about?... Your calling?" Yup. 

After we got back, I dug into the question of who to call as counselors. It was surprisingly SO HARD. I really struggled with this! I wrote out a list of all the sisters in our ward that I was pretty sure were active, even sisters I didn't really know, and gradually eliminated them one by one. And that week after Denver, I did all the things I knew I was supposed to do: I read my scriptures every day, especially the Book of Mormon and general conference talks; I went to the temple -- multiple times that week; I prayed fervently and asked for guidance -- multiple times a day; I studied it out in my mind and came up with counselors that I thought would be good; I listened for answers. I did all the things. But I never felt like I got a clear answer. So I went back to the drawing board. A couple different times. And I came up with numerous presidency options. But nothing felt really RIGHT. 

And it was so frustrating! God had called me. Didn't He want me to call counselors and get to work? One night, I went to the temple after a Relief Society activity, and did initiatories, and then went up to the Celestial Room to think and pray. I came up with a presidency that I really liked and felt decently good about, and I told myself that I would just submit those names to the Bishop no matter what after I got out of the temple. But once I was out sitting in my car and thinking about it, and ready to give those names, I just felt anxious all over again, even though I had felt peace in the temple. I had a bit of a tantrum with God then. I cried very much and talked to myself and prayed angrily. I thought, maybe I just need to make a decision, because I'm really not feeling any confirmation. So, I texted the Bishop with those names. And immediately I felt this overwhelming "NO!" feeling about it. I just felt that anxiety flood my body like I've never felt before. It was crazy! I texted Bishop back right away and basically said, "No, never mind. That doesn't feel right." 

I think there are a couple of reasons why it was so hard. First, I felt like I was on a deadline. Bishop Kimball had told me that he wanted to call the new Relief Society presidency the Sunday after Daniel and I got back from Denver. So I felt crunched for time. And I was trying to force the issue with God. Second, I kind of wonder if Satan was working overtime on me those couple of weeks. I felt such anxiety and nervousness about being RS President and having to lead in anything. It's kind of strange, really. I was called to be the Primary President back when Brooke was a baby, and I felt overwhelmed with that, but not quite to the same extent. And I wasn't crushed with this anxiety and indecision. I think Satan was trying to get me to feel anxious about choosing counselors and about being president. But it was so so hard for me to sort out those feelings from the direction I was trying to receive from God. And maybe I was also a little bit in denial about the whole thing. For days after Bishop extended the calling, when I thought about it, the whole thing felt like a big joke. It took that whole week or 2 after Denver for me to come to terms. That may be a little ridiculous, but that's how it was. 

Anyway. I had that tantrum with God in the parking lot of the temple. I ranted and railed and cried (and texted the Bishop... and then texted again). And nothing ever felt right or good. But Bishop, bless his heart, answered with, "Take your time." Which I probably needed to hear just then. I went home and cried to Daniel. Bless HIS heart, as well. I explained how I'd been feeling and how I didn't feel like I was getting an answer, even though I felt like I was doing all the right things. And hadn't I accepted the calling in the first place? Why couldn't I do this most BASIC of things as a RS President? Daniel talked me down and told me that maybe there was a good reason why I wasn't getting the answer I was seeking. Maybe the one who was going to be counselor needed another week before the calling. He also told me that I was doing everything I could to get an answer, but that sometimes we can't rush the answers we seek. He helped me to see that if I was doing my part, then God would surely bless me, and I needed to trust in that. 

Well. I gave myself a couple of days break thinking about it. My brain and heart were tired. So I did other things and didn't think on it too much. I went to the temple a couple more times that week (not because of this issue... it just worked out that way. Daniel had made some appointments for us). Sunday came and went. I decided to get down to it again, and I wanted to give Bishop my answer by Tuesday or Wednesday of that next week. But again. I had so many issues! I STILL felt like I wasn't getting a definite answer, and nothing felt completely right. That Tuesday, Bishop asked how things were going and if I had anything for him. I explained that I just wasn't feeling right about anything and that we may need to have a chat about it. I told him that I was fairly certain that I wanted Stephanie Webb as my 1st counselor, but that I wasn't very certain about my 2nd counselor, although I was thinking about Jamie Winfield. "I felt pretty good about this presidency last night. And this morning, I'm nervous. That's kind of how this whole thing has been. Feel good about something one night, wake up the next morning and feel dread about it." And his response was, "I actually think you have received your answer." So I told him to go for it and call those sisters. 

I still don't know why it was so hard. Maybe it was something I was supposed to learn, but I'm not sure what. Maybe it was the adversary making me feel the way I was. I don't know. I found this quote in my scripture study this week and totally made me think of this experience I had. From Gary E Stevenson's last general conference talk, October 2023: "Spiritual matters cannot be forced. You can cultivate an attitude and an environment that invite the Spirit, and you can prepare yourself, but you cannot dictate how or when inspiration comes. Be patient and trust that you will receive what you need when the time is right. Use your own best judgment. Sometimes we want to be led by the Spirit in all things. However, often the Lord wants us to use our God-given intelligence and act in ways that are consistent with our best understanding."

We were called and set apart that Sunday, the 4th. My setting apart blessing was so beautiful, I wish I could remember all the parts of it. I started writing down some of the things I remember. Here are a few:

• Blessed with: the ability to continue being an amazing mom; strength and energy to be able to do everything I need to do; confidence and courage to be able to do this calling, that my insecurities will fall away
• Instructed to: minister to the one; pray and ask direction for my calling every day; share my love and kindness with all around me
• Heavenly Father knows: all my feelings regarding this calling; He is aware of me; there is a special kindness about me
  

After we were set apart, Bishop Kimball told me that I had some things coming up. The next weekend was ward conference, so we had a special ward council. With the stake leaders. I was also asked to bear my testimony about the Book of Mormon in Sacrament meeting for ward conference. And I was going to be conducting the 2nd hour of church as well. 😬 I just felt like I was being thrown into the fray! No easing into your calling, no sir! And I found out later that day that I was also supposed to be going on a visit with a woman in the stake RS presidency to one of the sisters in the ward. It felt like a lot in one week right from the get-go. It all went relatively well, though. I felt like a dunce in ward council, I felt like my testimony was much like others I've borne about the scriptures (meh), and I wasn't completely hopeless while conducting. And the visit during the week was wonderful. 😊 Also on that ward conference Sunday I was doing a musical number, singing with 3 other women in my ward. That experience was absolutely amazing (we sang "My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee" which I love); but it did feel like a lot of me in church that day. 

It's been a few weeks now since Stephanie, Jamie and I were called. We've met a couple of times. I've been approached by some sisters in our ward who need welfare and assistance. I have had a lot of feelings and doubts over the past few weeks. I still don't feel like I'm the best person for this job, and I particularly feel like I have big shoes to fill. Hannah Kimball was a wonderful Relief Society President. But I am going to do my best. I hope I'm up to the challenge that this will be. 

My main difficulty so far has just been that I don't know what I'm doing! Especially when it comes to matters of welfare and self reliance. It's been frustrating that I need to help people but am so unsure of how to go about it. I am slowly learning, and I've been given access to materials that are helping. But I still feel so far off the mark. My strategy so far has just been to stay the course. I've adopted everything that Hannah had done before, and I have little intention of changing things for a while. I know I need to add some sisters into the ministering program in our ward. But I'm not going to change all of the assignments around. Teaching topics and assignments have been given out through the end of March, and we are keeping them that way. After that, we'll do our own thing. I didn't want to come in and just change everything. I'll be doing that very slowly, the more comfortable I get with my calling. 

And I feel fairly good about my presidency. I really like our secretary, Becky Garcia, and I think Jamie is going to be such a great help. I don't know Stephanie that well, and there have been a couple of things that have made me pause a little. Like, I hope this works out and that she is going to be a good counselor. But I do believe that God inspired me to call her. The Sunday that we were called was a Fast Sunday, and she got up to bear her testimony. She said that she has been feeling like she needed a change from being in primary, and that she's been praying to be able to go to Relief Society. She joked that she intended to be in Relief Society as a spectator. But she was grateful and excited for the chance to serve, and she felt that God was truly aware of her and her desires. Later, in our first meeting, she said that her faith had been struggling, partially because she felt like she had never been given a big responsibility in church callings. She felt like she was capable of doing a bigger calling, but that she'd always been overlooked. She even admitted to feeling less inclined to keep going to church. It seems her faith was really slipping. I hope that this calling will help her get back on track, and that it won't be too much for her. But after hearing her talk about it, I feel certain that God is aware of her and wanted her in this calling.

One thing that's always amazing to me is how quickly you start to feel God's love for the people you are serving after you receive a calling. I have prayed for the sisters in our ward almost every day. I have observed things and issues that sisters are experiencing right now and I feel so full of compassion for them. I have even cried a couple of times for some of the sisters in my ward because of the difficulties they are experiencing. I have no doubt that Heavenly Father has allowed me to feel a portion of His love for these women and their families. And it's truly an amazing thing to feel. It's just a testament to me of His love for ALL of His children. I am just privileged to feel a little of that love for a small group of those children. 

I have gotten all kinds of responses from people when I received my calling. "Congratulations" is definitely the wrong thing to say to someone who's received a big calling. We don't campaign for these callings or hope for them. I didn't ask for this calling or try to get it. All we do is try to live worthily and the best we can, and sometimes we are asked to serve. There have been so many friends who've been supportive and so excited for me to be their RS President. I have had people tell me they support me and sustain me. And I loved hearing that. My friend Lauren Harrison, when she found out later, after I was sustained and set apart, just gave me a big hug. 🥰 It was the sweetest. I think there were others who said all the right words, but there was very little feeling behind it. I wonder if they think I'm too young for the calling (which I would definitely agree with), or if they think maybe I'm not the best person for it (which I would also agree with). One brother in my ward said something to the effect of if there's anyone who can figure it out and do well, even not knowing they are doing, he was confident I could. I thought that was a lovely thing to say, and it made me feel better. 

I told Sarah and DeAnna about my calling the night after I was called, before Daniel and I left for the airport. Apparently, I can't keep my own secrets. I told them that I had something to tell them when I got back from my trip. I wish I could put our whole text conversation here! You should've seen their responses! They couldn't wait that long for me to tell; was I pregnant; was it a major health concern; was I moving; YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO MOVE! It was the sweetest thing ever. They wanted to know, but they were worried about me, too. DeAnna even guessed that I was Relief Society President. Well, I told DeAnna to go to Sarah's house and I would meet them there and tell them. I cried when I told them and told how inadequate and young I was feeling. They were so sweet and supportive, and DeAnna said she knew that was it. I was like, "HOW on earth did YOU know, when I didn't even know??" Later she sent me a series of really cool texts:

DeAnna: So I'm not sure if I should share but I will ... Because... But when Heidi was president, she was coming up on her time when she was going to be released soon and Matt and I were talking about who would be called as the new RS president. The stake president told Matt that I am sometimes "the 4th counselor". I don't know all of even most information but sometimes before callings are made, Matt will counsel with me.  Matt had said he felt to call you as the next relief society president and I thought you would do excellent. Your testimony and love for the Lord is so strong. I see your service and how much you love everyone so selflessly that is admirable. Then our wards split.  It's amazing to me that the spirit would speak again to Bishop Kimball separately again and tell him that you should be the next RS president without him having spoken to Matt. You were being prepared this whole time for this calling. You are going to amazing things for your ward.

And what a strong witness, again for me that the spirit can speak to bishops separately and individually for callings to be made for people. Esther 4:14 you were made for such a time as this 💛💛 Love you friend!"

Me: Oh my goodness. 😭😭 Thank you for sharing that! I think I needed to know that. I've prayed to know that this calling is from God (because when I think about it, it still feels like a joke 😅😬). I think this is my answer. ❤️

DeAnna: It's interesting because when Matt first mentioned your name he even said I feel like it's her . But not yet. And when we talked about it we thought it meant just because it was because Heidis time wasn't up yet... And then the wards split and so I didn't really think about it again.  I had remembered this conversation when Karter was called as Bishop but didn't want to tease you about it..  anyway when you said you had news I wondered about it again. You've totally got this!   😘 God works in the coolest ways. But when I said I knew at Sarah's. That's what I had meant. So kinda but not really. Lol! It was my guess 😁 

Me: That's some crazy revelation he got! Like, specific. 

DeAnna: It's been a cool experience to see the revelation he receives as Bishop. Some he can share@ the time. Others he can tell me after. And it's on such a small scale compared to the prophet it makes me think- wow- the Lord really has things worked out to the tiniest detail and knows our lives so intimately. It's a beautiful thought in the doctrine. 

Another thing that was kind of cool was that Hailey Shoemaker (young women's president), once we found out that Bishop Clarke was moving and we'd need a new bishop, kept saying that she just knew she would lose me. She kept saying it, and we were thinking of it in the context of Daniel being called as bishop, or as a counselor. She asked me one night at young women's if I felt any revelation about Daniel being called into the bishopric. And I said no, because I didn't. But she kept saying she was sad because she was going to lose me. And I kept saying, "Noo, no way." But then... she did end up losing me. Just not in the way we thought. It's so interesting how different people feel the revelation differently. 

Bishop Kimball, when he extended the calling, said that he knew quite well in advance that he would need to call a new RS president, because he got the call to be bishop in mid December. He said that as he thought about it and made a short list of women to fill that position, it became obvious quickly that I was the one the Lord wanted to be the next RS president. Then when he set apart the presidency, he told us that the RS president was the most important calling in the ward, next to the bishop. Talk about pressure! 

People have asked me if I felt like this calling was coming, and I've said no. But I feel like maybe I was warned a little bit ahead of time. I think I wrote about this when I happened; but back in the summer, I was asked to give a talk and then, because of time constraints, just bore my testimony. And then later that week, someone from the stake sent me an email about it. Well, after that, it seemed that I was on the stake radar (President Gardner and President Bulpitt were there when I bore my testimony as well), and remembering that our stake RS president was nearing the end of her time in the calling, I started to get inexplicably nervous that maybe I was going to be called to be the stake RS president. I mean, that just seemed so silly in my mind. Why was I even thinking about that? There was such little reasoning behind my thinking that I'd be called as the stake RS president. What? A handful of people in the stake heard me bear my testimony one Sunday, it seemed to get noticed a bit, and now I'm going to be called to be stake RS president?? So silly! But I kept thinking about it and talking myself down from it. And in retrospect, I wonder if maybe the Spirit was directing my thoughts. Maybe He was preparing my mind in a way. Because even though it wasn't on the stake level (thank the heavens), I did end up getting a RS President calling. 

I've gotten a lot of great advice from people the past few weeks. Things like: "delegate the crap out of it" - Sam Clarke; focus on ministering to the one; don't let other people's emergencies become your emergencies. But I think one of the best conversations I had with someone was with Stefanie Caswell: 

Stefanie: Hey Leslie I have been meaning to text you. Thanks for the valentines treats. Also I'm excited for your new calling! I think you will be amazing at it. I wish I could see you in action on Sundays but I do love my calling in primary. I love doing the baptisms and being in there with the kids 😊

Me: Thank you, Stefanie, for that vote of confidence! I'm feeling quite shaky about the new calling, haha. I'm so glad you're in primary! It's really one of the best places to be! 

Stefanie: Fair. It's a lot but so cool to serve and get to know so many sisters. Have you ever been in a RS presidency before?

Me: Yes, I was a counselor several years ago. And you're right. Getting to know the sisters and visiting with them was my favorite part, and what I'm most looking forward to now. 😊

Stefanie: That's awesome! I'm sure it has changed a lot since then even so. It's different when you are over it all 😘😘😘 You are so good with your scripture study and following the spirit that I know it's going to be so good. Keep a journal of tender mercies ❤️

Me: Totally different! That makes me nervous, haha. I'm definitely not perfect at those things, but maybe I'll get better through this experience. 😆 That is great advice, thank you!

Stefanie: You got this. I love watching the Lord direct his work with all of us imperfect people just trying to really do our best. ❤️

Me: ❤️❤️ I love that thought! 

Well, I obviously have a lot of thoughts about this, haha. I have felt closer to the Spirit more consistently these past few weeks. I have felt Heavenly Father's love for the women in our ward much more. I'm feeling overwhelmed, and I'm already making lots of mistakes. But I'm ready to grow, and I'm excited to visit with and get to know the sisters in my ward. I'm excited for the spiritual experiences and to see the hand of the Lord working through me in my calling.