Today's affirmation: God loves me. I am His child. I'm not expected to be perfect yet. 

God is definitely aware of us and His hand is in our lives. So yesterday, in the morning, I prayed to know who I should reach out to, and I got kind of a soft prompt that maybe Jenny Torres needed something. And I kind of pushed a little further in my prayer and asked, "What might Jenny need today?" I kind of landed on making banana bread (I had some bananas begging to be made into bread anyway) and just going to drop it by her house. 

I went about my day, remembered to make banana bread and invite Sawyer to make it with me, and planned to go in the evening before my Pride and Prejudice date I had with my friends. I went around 730pm to Jenny's house with the intention to drop off the banana bread, chat for a few minutes and then leave. But as I was invited into her house and sat down to talk, I realized she needed a little longer of a visit. She talked about how difficult this past year has been for her, but how she's seen so many blessings and miracles from God. It was a really cool conversation, and I really don't know if I needed it or she did. 

Needless to say, I was over an hour late to Pride and Prejudice. I felt really bad, but my friends were all lovely and understanding. 

Today's affirmation: God love me. I am His child. I'm not expected to be perfect yet. 

Why I love my husband: he gets stuff done. He researches about something, a project or a trip or whatever, and then he just goes about doing it. Tonight he put in the baby gate to keep the dog from getting upstairs. 

Highlight: Went to the temple with a friend today for initiatories. Also, figured out what was wrong with the dryer and it's working again. Woohoo!

Lowlight: Brooke doesn't want to homeschool next year. My heart is a little broken, and I'm trying to sort out my feelings. 

Something I'm grateful for: my home. Sometimes it's overly messy. Sometimes it's chaotic and loud. But it serves us so well, and we're making little (and big) changes to it to make me love it more and more. Fresh paint on the main floor. New furniture. Decluttering. Little things here and there for organizing and decorating. New towels. I decorated a little for Valentine's day, which was fun. 

Today's affirmation: God loves me. I am His child. 

Why I love my husband: he apologizes. 

What I'm grateful for: the beautiful sunset tonight, with pale pastel colors against the mountains. 

Highlight: a great family home evening. We talked about the two great commandments, and then we did an activity where we thought of commandments and put them into a category: love God, love neighbors, or both. The kids were really engaged and we had a great discussion about the commandments and loving God and people. I kept my cool, which is maybe the biggest miracle of the evening. 😆 Then, Brooke was in charge of activity and she had us each draw our own island and then we presented them to each other. It was fun! And so fun to see each other's creativity. 

Also, had my weekly chat with mom. It's been so good for our relationship to call her every week. I've started doing it on the way to pick the kids up from school. It's the perfect time to chat for a bit. 

Lowlight: I didn't keep to my sugar goal (only sugar on the weekends). And I also ate more animal products than I wanted. Also didn't play piano, and I'm trying to make that more of a habit. 

Also, didn't get as much as I wanted to done. 

Spiritual Memories

Recently, I have been feeling the need to record the spiritual experiences that I've had that have helped me shape my faith and testimony. I had this thought during some kind of meeting; I can't remember if it was a general or stake conference, and I don't remember the speaker or what the topic was. But I felt very distinctly that it was important to write down the core memories I have, memories of feeling the Spirit so strongly that my testimony and faith grew. 

To that end, I will likely spend some Sundays every now and then writing out some of these memories. 

Today, I'll start with an EFY memory. It was my first year of EFY, I had gone to Portland with Chaela. It was an amazing week, and I felt like I learned a lot. But there was one evening. It was probably on Thursday, which was normally the "spiritual day," where we dressed in church clothes, listened to more sacred music, had testimony meetings, and such, more geared towards feeling the Spirit. We all met in a big auditorium, and I believe we watched a video presentation of some kind. Memory is hazy at this point, but I remember how I felt. The Spirit was so strong. After the presentation, a girl got up to say the closing prayer, and she was quite emotional while she prayed, but I remember she prayed with such a feeling of closeness to God, that I couldn't help but feel that myself. I was flooded with a feeling of love from God and with gratitude for the experience I was having. I knew God was real, that He was watching over me and that He loved me. It was one of the first times I felt it with that much strength and certainty. 

Ward Conference Notes

• Review and focus on stake vision
• Study handbook relief society sections
• Focus on church meetings (Sacrament and 2nd hour), minister to the ministers, make inspired invitations to be united and move forward, bring people unto Christ 
• Pray for Christ like love for others, if you truly love people, they will feel it
• A listening ear is often needed as a way to care for those in need
• Missionary work -- the invitation is most effective when it's genuine and sincere, when you share real testimony; doesn't depend on knowing someone for a long time; just share something that's made a difference in my life; God is in relentless pursuit of us -- we need to have the same attitude
• Elder Bednar broadcast for youth and leaders -- talk about how awesome it would be and how much we could accomplish if we all have an eye single to God's glory
• Use family history and temple work as a missionary tool -- relief society activities 
• Participate as a family at family history center -- family home evening 

New Style of Journaling

With this new year, and me thinking about goals and little ways I want to change my life, I'm also thinking about journaling a little differently this year. If I want to start some new habits, and end my day with a little journaling, I have to do things a bit differently. No one really wants a travel-log of the day. That's boring to read. And my days tend to be mostly a lot of the same: workout, read, play with kids, make food, do laundry, clean house, have meetings, do some social things now and then, take kids to activities... you get the picture. Not much changes. 

So, with all that in mind, I'm thinking of doing, like, a daily affirmation, scripture read, highlight, lowlight, something I'm grateful for, something that tickled me, my favorite thing that day, one thing that Happened, something I learned about, why I love my husband/ kids, etc. Just little notes about the day, instead of everything I did. That won't take as long to do, I'm hoping, if I just have little notes. And ideally, I'll be writing then throughout the day. 

So, here goes. My first different day: 

Today's affirmation:... I didn't think of a good affirmation for today... I might need to do a bit of research. But I did find this on the internet about affirmations: 

An affirmation is a positive statement that can help people deal with negative feelings, thoughts, and situations. Affirmations are often used to replace negative self-talk with positive statements. 

How affirmations work

Neuroplasticity: The brain's ability to adapt to new situations 

Neural pathways: Positive affirmations increase the neural pathways in the brain, which can make thoughts and beliefs more automatic and frequent 

Reward centers: Affirmations activate the brain's reward centers, which can help create, reshape, and strengthen neural pathways 

How to use affirmations

Write them down on sticky notes and put them on your mirror 

Use the notes app on your phone for on-the-go encouragement 

Memorize your favorites and recite them when you're feeling uncertain 

Start each morning by reciting affirmations 

Examples of affirmations "I am capable of learning and improving, "I am hopeful, "I am healing, and "I am happy. 

Affirmations can be a free and flexible way to boost your self-esteem and improve your overall well-being. 

Something that happened today: we went to breakfast at ihop. Daniel got home from his work trip to San Jose last night, and on our way home from the airport, he said, "should we go to breakfast tomorrow morning?" Camille wasn't happy that we made plans, because she had plans to make us a special breakfast. But she was out voted by everyone else. Breakfast was delish, and we all must have been hungry, because we ate just about everything that came to the table. 😆 Later, in the early afternoon, Camille and Brooke did their special meal for us -- a tea with snacks. I was still full from breakfast, haha, so it was the perfect light snack with tea. 

Something I'm grateful for today: beautiful snow. It snowed for most of the day today, and it was so pretty. There are, like, 6 inches of snow on the ground now, and Sawyer and Jack and Tucker had so much fun in the snow this afternoon. I walked a few minutes in the snow, and it felt so good. 

Lowlight: I spent way too much time on Instagram. 😒 Bad choices. 

Why I love my husband: he's a responsible human, and he gets things done. 

End of January Where Does the Time Go

We are in late January, and I've written almost nothing about the beginning of the year. I've had lots of thoughts about things this beginning of year. A few years ago, I stopped using real planners and making very many goals because I felt that they were serving me well. I would just feel stressed about accomplishing goals and I wasn't enjoying life much. But the last several months, I've been feeling a little directionless and I'm not using my time well at all. Honestly, I think feel a little lost this school year not homecoming my kids. Like, for the past few years, that's been giving me purpose and a solid way to spend my time. And now, it's all different. 

So, anyways, I've been thinking about goal a lot more this January than I have the past couple of years. And I bought myself a paper planner to use. It's open dates, so I can use it at my own pace. It's supposed to come any day now. 

This January has been good. I don't feel like it's lasting forever, like it usually does. It helps that we took our yearly trip to St George this last weekend (more on that later). That helps break up the monotonousness that is January and the dead is winter. 

I've had trouble feeling motivated to do anything projective since we got back from Medford. Julie was here with Drew at the beginning of the month, and I spent some time helping him get set up at BYU. It was nice to have her, and that I didn't have to say goodbye in Medford. She's coming again next weekend, too, because Drew is really struggling right now, and she wants to come help and support him. 

But after Julie left, it was, like, recover from winter break and having guests in the house, and then straight until preparing for St George. So, I feel like I've been busy, and also not busy. 

It's also been a struggle being motivated to serve in my calling, and I'm having a hard time wanting to be where I am and feeling confident that I'm the right person. I went to lunch with our stake rs president, Suzette Petersen, one day. I think she wanted to talk and see how things are going, and I basically told her that, aside from self reliance meetings (which I very much struggle with), my biggest difficulty is feeling like I'm the right person to be RS president. I have very little confidence in myself there. And I tend to remember all the ways I am not enough or all the times I trip up or humiliate myself. It's been really hard, actually, this past year. I feel like, since we moved here, I've made great efforts and strides in embracing who I am and just being myself and being okay with that. But since I became RS president almost a year ago, it's like I'm backsliding. And it's been really hard. I feel like life has become one long series of humiliating experiences that I can't seem to forget or stop myself from reliving. It's not good. It's really not good. I need to figure it out. Maybe that's why I have this calling at this time. I have some things to learn.

And to that end, I'm trying to have a better attitude and try to realize what Heavenly Father wants me to learn from this experience. Humility, surely. And compassion for others. And how to strike that balance of encouraging people to do better but also loving them and being empathetic to their struggles. I'm sure there is much more to learn. Maybe a greater willingness to submit to the Father's will. Having a good attitude in the face of difficult things. Trusting in Jesus more, and focusing my service on Him. 

Anyway, all these thoughts are occupying my attention right now. And I'm trying to figure things out. 

I started doing preschool lessons with Sawyer when the kids went back to school after break. I'm just using the Good and the Beautiful curriculum, the one I already had downloaded. It's been going pretty well. He needs lots of practice with his letters. But he's very willing and mostly excited to do lessons most days. (Of course, I usually follow it up with watching some TV, so I'm sure that's helping.) I'm hoping to give him a more solid foundation before he goes to kindergarten this year (which, by the way, when did this happen??? 😭😭😭 My baby is going to school THIS YEAR!). But it's slow progress, haha. He just feels SO YOUNG to be learning his letters already. 

I hosted bunco this month, but since it was the week after getting back (and I was suffering from a recent humiliation... trust me, it's had an impact), I decided to go super easy. I got gift cards for prizes, ordered pizza and salad kits and berries for dinner, and just squeezed everyone into the 2 tables I already have. Done and done. And it was fun! We had a great time! 

I went to book club as well one night. We read a book about Ernest Shackleton's polar expedition, which was really interesting. A slower read, but fascinating. 

One day we had Tucker's brother from his litter over to our house to play. They stayed about 25 minutes, and it took a little while for the brother to warm up to our house. And Tucker was so excited he peed in the entrance. Haha. But it was fun to watch them wrestle and play with each other. Until they got a little too rough with each other. But we're going to do another play date with them soon. 

This puppy has started laying down and sleeping at my feet when I'm working around the house. I'll stop to do dishes and he'll just plop down at my feet for a snooze. 

Brooke went to the temple with her friends one evening and stopped for ice cream on the way home. It's so great to live near friends that just want to do some good. 

What a goober this dog looks when he's just had a bath. 🤣 It's even better when Brooke brushes him and fluffs up his hair. 

Jack started primary activities this month. 😭🤧 He's getting so big! And since he'll turn 8 and be baptized this year, he gets to start going to primary activities. He loves them! He's only been to 2 of them so far, but he's just thrilled about going. It's super cute. 

The kids have had play dates with their friends in the past couple of months, and are loving spending time with their school friends. Meanwhile, I had some friends come over to watch the BBC Pride and Prejudice with me. Some of them have never seen it! And so I set out to change that. I got an overload of good snacks and they came and watched the first couple of episodes. We had a great time, and it warms my heart to have such good friends to do fun things with. I love spending time with them. DeAnna, Sarah, Jamie and Tatum came. 🥰

Daniel was offered a job as a controller at a new startup company that his old coworker is trying to build. This guy, Matt, was trying so so hard to get Daniel to change jobs and go with his company. He talked to Daniel quite a lot this month, and had Daniel talk to other people at the company. I think Daniel really wanted to take the job. It would've been a more fun job for him, and similar benefits. But he just didn't feel good about it, even though it all looked better on paper. So he turned Matt down. 

This week, Daniel's been in San Jose. He left the day after we got back from St George. We had a mostly normal week while he was gone. I meant to use the time wisely and catch up on sleep while he was gone. 😂 But I got completely sucked into "the Happy Life of Isadora Bentley," which was absolutely delightful to read. And I spent far far too much time reading, instead of doing all the other things I should be doing. 

This afternoon, Brooke and Claire did a piano/ guitar duet in their school talent show. They made some mistakes, but did so good. I was really proud of how brave they were to perform in front of their peers, and for how they kept going even when they made mistakes. 

I'm trying to start into some better habits this new year: eating better (my habits have been slipping for the last few years. I'm trying to eat more fruits and veggies throughout the day, reserve sweet eating to the weekends, specifically Sunday, and check off all of Dr Michael Greger's daily dozen. As I've been doing this this month, I've really felt so much better! Amazing and shocking, I know. Who would've thought eating healthier would make you feel good? 😆) and earlier bedtime/ wake up time (I'm not to my goal yet, but I'm trying to work my way there. I've been waking up semi-consistently at 630am ... on the week days at least. I'd like to have a better morning and evening routine around my sleep to set up my day better and prepare for sleeping better. So I want to go to bed around 10 and wake up a little before 6. My morning routine is difficult, though, because of the dog. Something I'll have to get used to and learn to work around). 

I do feel like if I could get these routines down, I would be more productive during the day, I could accomplish my other goals easier, I'd be happier and a better mom, etc. So I'm working my way towards that. 

What are these routines I'm trying to master? You might ask. Well, I'd be glad to tell you. They are as follows: 

Morning routine: wake up (probably needs to be a bit before 6am). Brush teeth/ go to bathroom. Daily affirmations (I think I may need these at this point in my life). Say my prayer. 15 minutes of scripture study (like a good solid study). 5 minutes of planning out the day. Workout + 30 min walk (and listen to general conference and the Book of Mormon while I do). Get my kids up. Make breakfast for myself and kids. Shower and get ready (actually do get ready). Do some tidy (kitchen, main level, laundry, etc). And then I get on with my day and whatever I need to do! 

Evening routine (I haven't nailed down exactly how I was this to look, but something like this): dinner --> after dinner chores --> scripture study with kids --> get kids ready and in bed. 10 minutes of journaling. Put phone to bed. Get ready for bed (brush teeth, wash face, jammies, face mask, skin routine). Read a book. Scripture study with Daniel. Go to sleep. BAM! Wouldn't that be awesome? It sounds like a delightful way to wind down the day and relax and get ready to sleep. And obviously there is some variableness about it. Like, sometimes I'll want to take a hot bath. Sometimes I won't do face masks, etc. My ideal bedtime routine makes me sound like an old woman. 😆

I found this influencer on IG that is a mom to 4 boys, and she is so super organized with her life and routines, and I've been very inspired by her. I'd like to be more like that. So I'm making more efforts this year. I chose a word for the year, something to inspire how I live. I've chosen the word "intention". I don't want to feel swept along by life, but live with more intentionality. I kind of took it from the scripture Moroni 10:4, but I'm only adopting certain phrases from it: "...with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ..." with this scripture in mind, I'm hoping I will focus my life and efforts on Jesus Christ, while I live with a sincere heart and real intent. 

Sunday Notes

•  What "weapons of rebellion" have I buried or can I bury? 
• Some "weapons" may need to be buried again and again. 

Utah Area Youth and Parents Broadcast

•  Teach the doctrines of the gospel with boldness and clarity, they won't absorb and continue what they don't know
• Teach my kids about sustaining new callings in church -- how we support the leaders, how we stay involved in our ward or class or relief society 
• Read the youth leadership lessons -- learn how to teach my teenagers about being a saint in the kingdom
• Principles of discipleship: spend time with Him, be like Him, go forth and do as He would do
• What does it look like to BELIEVE? study the scriptures, use the fsy pamphlet as your guide
• The story of Naaman the leper-- symbolism of 7 times of dipping -- 7 days a week of sitting at the Lord's feet, listening to His words, praying to God, having spiritual experiences at the temple, church and every day life
• Talk to my kids about my scripture study and prayer -- when and how I received answers -- maybe start doing a "What did you learn in scripture study this week?" Conversation weekly (fhe or Sunday dinner) 
• FSY pamphlet -- answers the why of living the gospel; 
• How do we feel a sense of BELONGING? be together, activities, camps, conferences; bring friends. The youth are UNUSUALLY GIFTED at the gathering. Urge the youth to understand that EVERYONE is needed. It takes every person's effort in the gathering of Israel -- don't slack off and assume that someone else will do it. 
• Teach Brooke about setting apart and explain that she has power given her to serve in her calling and receive revelation. Priesthood power. 
• Youth set goals around the FSY pamphlet; go into the FSY and set goals and make activity plans
• The pathway of discipleship flows through their covenants; priesthood ordinances + covenants = power in Christ, becoming like Christ; yw study section 25, 84, 107,
• "When thou art converted, strengthen the brethren" -- Jesus knows that this takes a lifetime, it will take all of our lives to become converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ

Adam's Obituary

 Adam James Fernandez, 44, a resident of Cape Coral, FL since 2014, formerly of Park Forest, IL, passed away Sunday, December 22, 2024. He was born October 9, 1980 in Provo, UT.

Adam graduated from Illinois Lutheran High School (ILHS) in 1998, where he met his lifelong friends, Mike Laheta and Phil Becker.

Adam graduated from Eastern Illinois University in 2003 with a bachelor’s degree in business. Prior to relocating to Florida, Adam worked at Verizon Business for 7 years. After moving to Florida, Adam obtained his Real Estate license and was a real estate agent for 9 years.

Adam’s great love with his basset hound, Maggie, whom he adopted as a puppy.

Adam was married to Jess Staley from 2016 to 2019. They remained friends after they divorced.

Adam was always willing to go places and do things. Some of the things Adam enjoyed doing were “Paint and Sip” sessions, miniature golf, traveling, and water sports. But his favorite activity was Karaoke.

Adam was a talented artist and made friends easily. He was loved by many people and will be greatly missed.

He is survived by his parents, Ricardo Fernandez (Linda) of Milford, OR, and Tamara Fernandez of Park Forest, IL; as well as six siblings, Leslie, Diane, Mary, Julie, Robbie, and Bryan.

Fun News, Sad News

I'll start with the sad news. We drove back from Medford on New Year's Eve, and shortly after we arrived home, Daniel and I received a text from dad to all the family: 

Family: You all need to see this. I was just informed by Maria and Lynne after they saw this post on FB. I don't have any details as yet. Love you all. Dad

He attached this screenshot from a Facebook post. We were all shocked. I called dad a little bit after that to see how he was doing. He didn't say much about it. I'm sure he was in shock, trying to process the news. 

What I could not understand was why Tammy didn't tell dad. I thought that was awful and unforgivable. He was gone for over a week, almost a week and a half before he found out. And he had to find out through his sisters and Facebook! That's terrible. Julie and I talked about how awful that was. And a little while later dad sent this: 

Dear Family: Please resist the natural tendency to criticize, and be gentle in your thoughts and words about Adam's mom. Remember, Tammy has just lost her only child, and it's a hard time. Let's not be scornful, but empathetic. Much of the blame for her lack of communication rests with me, something I feel much regret about. Love you all. Dad

After this, I noticed that Aunt Lynn had called Tammy out on a Facebook post, about her not telling dad herself and earlier. And people started going crazy on the internet at her, making all kinds of awful accusations and comments about her and dad. It was awful. I felt like I needed to read it, just to be aware. But it was very unpleasant. I felt that Aunt Lynn did a good job of trying to defend herself and dad, but at the same time be kind and respectful. She didn't put anyone down (aside from saying how wrong Tammy was), and she didn't return fire with fire. I think it was probably a mistake to start with such a public criticism of Tammy. But I think she handled it well thereafter. 

Tammy and her friends, on the other hand, were venomous and hateful in their comments. And spewing all sorts of lies about the whole situation in general and my father in particular, especially as they had no idea what went on. I'm actually shocked about how awful Tammy is being. Especially about someone as wonderful and loving as my dad. She has no idea. And dad says nothing against her. He is being seriously admirable about the whole thing, considering. Julie and I are going against all hope that he hasn't been on Facebook to see the whole thing. Especially after Tammy wrote a very pointed post on Adam's page defaming dad in every way as a father. It's awful. 

I'm sad for dad. I'm sad about Adam. He was a fun big brother to us. I loved when he came every summer. It's sad, too, that he wasn't closer to our side of the family in the last couple of decades. We would have loved having him around more. I think we all have some regrets where Adam is concerned. I've reached out to him, on his birthdays mostly, over the years, but I always got minimal to no response from him, so I figured he didn't really want anything to do with me. Mom and Julie always had more success in their communications with Adam. I'm sure dad's feelings and regrets are complicated. I just wish I knew what to do for dad. 

Mom reached out to Tammy yesterday and was rebuffed vehemently. She basically called mom a liar and dad a deadbeat father and told them not to contact her anymore. I was planning to go to the memorial service, but we're thinking Tammy won't even tell us when and where it is. I'm having a really hard time having charitable feelings towards her, despite dad's admonitions. 

And the story will continue. Mom and dad have been trying to find out more information about Adam's death, despite Tammy being uncooperative. I haven't gotten in Facebook since I first did the other day, because I just don't want to be involved with the contention. But Julie told me mom got a Facebook account for the sole purpose of posting a defense of her and dad. Julie read it to me and it was very sensitive and kindly put, though not skirting around the dishonesty and attacks and putting them in their place. I still don't have any desire to be there and see. I hope it all blows over soon. We'll see what we can find out in the end. And we might have to do our own memorial service, as Daniel suggested. 

Now, on to the fun news. 

We have a dog!!!

Here's the full story: Brooke has been begging for a dog of our own before we started even fostering Sammy. She liked having Pie-Pie, but it wasn't really enough for her, and the hamster died too early. (We probably didn't take proper care of her.) And so she started asking for a dog. Having Sammy helped ease her want of a dog, but not by much. She still asked regularly. And we kept putting her off because, "We HAVE a dog, even if she is only a part-time dog." 

Well, we haven't even had a part-time dog for the last 6 months, so that excuse wasn't applicable anymore, and the begging resumed, with a vengeance. She started doing intense research about different kinds of dogs (and so did Daniel) and trying to decide what would be best for our family. Daniel and I (Daniel moreso) were pretty firm on the "no shedding" thing, so they started looking more seriously into doodle mixes. We looked into golden doodles and cockapoos and bernedoodles and labradoodles. We had hoped for a medium sized dog, but Daniel and Brooke seemed to favor the cockapoo breed. And cockapoos only seem to be bred for smaller sizes. We also wanted a darker colored dog. But the breeder we like only had smaller sized dark puppies, and bigger light puppies. 

So then, of course, we had our little family date to Spanish Fork to check out the puppies, and everyone, except me, favored this little boy. White with some brown spots. And a little bigger than the rest. He was very cute. But the other puppies were cute as well. We didn't make the kids any promises about getting a puppy. We just told them we were "only looking," just to get an idea of what we wanted. And the Monday after our visit to the puppies, we had a special family home evening about taking care of a dog; listing all the things that were required to taking care of a dog, all the expenses, etc., and we asked each of the kids if they were willing to help with those tasks.

A few days later, Daniel put a deposit down on the little boy dog we liked. He put a picture of our puppy in a picture frame and wrapped it up for a Christmas present for the kids. We saved it to be opened last. The kids were so funny when they opened it up. They opened it together, and when they saw it, they said, "Oh, what a cute picture of a dog!" They didn't realize that the actual dog was the actual present, until Daniel said, "That's the dog we paid for!" They were SO excited, especially the girls. I think we made Brooke really happy. 

We came home from Oregon on the 31st so that we could pick the dog up on the 1st. We drove down to the breeder, and she brought our dog in to us. Before we took him, she clipped his nails and gave him a quick bath so that he was nice and sweet smelling and ready. She gave us a blanket to wrap him up in on the way home, so he wouldn't be too cold. He seemed very nervous in the car on the way home. I'm sure it's quite an adjustment for these little puppies, leaving their families and homes to go with a bunch of strangers. I'd never really thought about it until this situation was upon us. He shivered and shook the whole way home. And when we brought him into the house, he didn't seem to know what to do. None of us really did. We let the kids play with him for a little bit, and then put him in his little kennel so that he wouldn't be too overwhelmed. But he howled and whined most of the time he was in there, with maybe a little nap squeezed in. 

That whole first day, he kept having accidents. It was almost like he was just leaking constantly. I'm sure it was mostly due to him being nervous to be in a new and unfamiliar place. But that first evening, I snuggled up on the couch with Daniel to watch a movie, and the dog snuggled and slept while we watched. It was so sweet and delightful. 

It's been almost a week now, since we brought him home. Potty training is going better, I believe. We are also getting better about taking him out all the time. But he's started biting and nipping people and chewing things he shouldn't be chewing. He's also getting used to sleeping and being in his kennel. We first had it in the Craft Closet, because the training book said it should be in a non-high-traffic area. But he just was so unhappy there and whined a lot. So a few days ago, we tried pulling the kennel out of the closet during the day, and he's much happier in there now. I think he likes to be around us and see and hear us, even when he's put away. He's been sleeping all the way through the night, which is lovely. We just have to take him out right before kenneling him, and take him out right when we wake up. He's a very sweet dog. He just wants to be with us all the time, and he often just follows me around the house. He loves snuggling and napping on the couch. He seems to be shedding quite a lot, which makes us think we may have picked a "dud." (The kids hate when Daniel and I call him that; they love him and feel like we are slighting him when we say that, but we just mean that we happened to pick the one in the litter that sheds.) Daniel is hoping he's just shedding his puppy coat and that eventually he'll shed less. I guess we'll see. Either way, we all already love him and he won't be going anywhere, no matter what his coat does. 

I'm way more obsessed with him than I thought I would be. He's SO cute and sweet, and it's just been fun having him. I was telling Daniel last night, though, that I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact that I have (hopefully temporarily) lost a big chunk of my freedom (which stinks, because I'm a mom and didn't have that much freedom to begin with, haha), because now I'm having to keep my eyes on a dog a lot of the time. I don't feel great about keeping him in his kennel for most of the day, which means I will have to be sitting around with a dog a lot, or do most of my stuff on the main floor (we're trying to not let him on the carpeted areas of the house until he's better house-trained. We even put our area rug away for the time being. Eventually, he should be fine going anywhere in the house, but we're not ready for that. But it does make it difficult for me, because he just wants to be with us and follow us around, and since Sawyer are the ones here all day, that means he wants to be with us. And if he can't follow me around to all parts of the house while I do my stuff ... it's just proving to be difficult to manage.) I need to pull back my expectations of goals and what I'll accomplish this year from where I wanted it to be. Because I surely won't be able to do as much with a little puppy in the house. And it's okay. I just need to convince my brain, haha. 

I'm also surprised by how much Daniel loves him. 😂 He's always picking the dog up and walking around the house with him and saying, "Look, it's my dog!" (In all fairness, though, we all call him "my dog." 😂) I just didn't think Daniel would be that way with him. It's sweet. 

Brooke is so happy. She was so cute bringing him home, because all she wanted to do was hold him and play with him and she was smiling all day long. I'm happy for her and happy we could make this childhood dream of hers come true. She and Camille have been great with him and with taking care of him. It's been really fun to watch. Brooke has taken most of the initiative for naming him and learning how to train him. We bought a dog training book that we'll all read and use the techniques from for training him. While we were still in Medford, Brooke read the training book and came up with a long list of names for him. She asked everyone's opinion, even family members whose opinions wouldn't really matter in the end. And she wrote down all the ones that we liked, but she really liked the name Tucker, and she kept trying to convince everyone that it was the best and cutest name for him. I was not convinced. And Daniel wasn't convinced. But she had almost everyone else on her side. My favorite name was North. Daniel liked Charlie best. But when we went to pick him up, and that whole first day, he definitely looked like a Tucker to me. So I guess Brooke did convince us all in the end. And when I started calling him Tucker that first day, it just stuck and became official.  

Sunday Notes

• It's easier to get answers from heaven when we have closed the gap between ourselves and heaven -- repent, pray with a sincere heart and intent to act, evaluate our standing before God. Once we have done our part to close that gap to God, He will give answers more readily. Joseph Smith went to the Lord with a question because he was concerned after the welfare of his soul. 
• Being filled with the Spirit of God feels the best. It is worth every sacrifice to have the Spirit with us. The world distracts and Satan tempts. But if we can put off the world and repent, continually throughout our lives, we can be filled with the Spirit. I have noticed that when I have a day or a few days when I'm feeling particularly close to the Spirit and God and my focus is zeroed in on Jesus Christ, it exhausts me. It's tiring. And I find that I naturally back off a little bit, for the rest and relief. And sometimes it takes me a while to get back to that point of spiritual high. My task in life is to keep practicing and build my spiritual strength and endurance in the Spirit. As I do this, I can be sanctified and changed and prepared, physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally, for salvation and exaltation. To be in the presence of God the Father and Jesus Christ. 

A Note About Thanksgiving and Christmas

 We had a great holiday season. Thanksgiving was the nice, somewhat slower reprieve between Halloween and Christmas. We did our Thanksgiving tree all month and went to Michael and Michelle's for Thanksgiving dinner, which was lovely. 

Other things: relief society Friendsgiving dinner; a bunch of church meetings; getting started on ward Christmas giving; had a bunch of fun social events (book club, bunco, out to lunch with friends, birthday girls night to SLC with DeAnna and Sarah); Belmont skate night. Houston came to visit with Owen and Declan. We had a great weekend with them, going to the aquarium, getting good food and swig, and letting the kids play a bunch. 

The last day of the month Camille and I went on a fun date to luminaria. At the beginning of the month, I asked all the kids if they wanted to go this year, and most of them said they weren't interested. But it was actually really fun to just go with Camille, and she was an absolutely delightful date. I think when it came down to it, the other kids were jealous and wanted to come. I like the one-on-one time with Camille. 

A lot of my attention in December was taken up by the ward Christmas giving. I was in charge of organizing the whole thing, but mostly it was pretty smooth going, aside from a few bumps. And I had other members of the rs and eq presidencies help deliver the gifts to the families we were helping. Also, right before we left for the holidays, one of my friends had a bunch of money she wanted given anonymously to members in the ward who needed the help, which was a really cool experience. One older lady that I took $1000 to actually cried and said, "you don't know how much this will help." My friend said that this particular lady was on her mind. I have no doubt in my mind that the Spirit was nudging her to help this lady. 

We had a really fun book club this month. We didn't read a specific book, but we did a gift exchange where everyone brings a gift that is supposed to represent a book and then we had to guess the book based on the gift. It was so fun. I brought a pie dish and pie serve to represent The Help. And out of nowhere, 3 different women chose The Secret Garden as their book! 

Sawyer got sick with something random. His neck was super swollen and sore again, and we were having a little ptsd from last year around the same time. So we took him to see the doctor, who told us to get an ultrasound of his neck and get bloodwork done so that we had a better idea of what it was. It turns out he just had infected lymph nodes in his neck that we took care of with antibiotics. Thank goodness nothing more serious. 

I went to the kids Jingle Jam, and it was so cute and fun. All three of them were so excited about singing their songs, and I loved watching them. There are some really great things about the kids being in school, and stuff like this is one of them. I love going to their school stuff. 

We went to Oregon for Christmas this year. It'd been a while since we've gone for a visit and it was time. Plus, in the coming year, there isn't a great time to go visit -- there will be a lot going on. We drove all on the 21st and had many obstacles on the way. Without going into too much detail: 1) the van battery was dead and wouldn't start, and it was parked in the middle of the driveway with Daniel's car in the garage. Daniel pulled the van into the middle of the road so that he could pull the white car next to it and jump it. 2) someone drove down the street and ran into the white car, which ran into the van, damaging both vehicles and hurting Daniel in the process. It's a miracle Jack wasn't hit, because he was running around watching Daniel the whole time. 3) cruise control wasn't working after that, as well as traction control. 4) I got a ticket for speeding in Nevada. 🙄🙄🙄 5) we slipped on icy roads around Lake of the Woods and had to finish the drive very slowly and cautiously. We got there safely, but it was a rough day and we were all exhausted. 

Our visit in Medford was wonderful. It was such a nice break for me -- a break from the stress of my calling and spending time with people in my 100% comfortable with, a break from regular house work and normal life. We hung out and lot, kids played with their cousins; Julie and I worked out together; mom, sisters and I went out to lunch; mom and I went for Pedicures; i finished up Christmas shopping and we had a wonderful, relaxed Christmas day; Daniel organized the most fun bingo game for the whole family, with different games and prizes for kids and adults; we played the church gym for a few hours one morning; we went to see Moana 2 in theaters altogether; we took the kids to buy dog stuff after we told them we were getting a dog; we played games; and Julie, Schpuck and I went through a lot of mom's things -- her jewelery and quilts -- so that we could document who is getting what (Daniel told us to do it 😆). It was a wonderful week and a half. I could've used a little more time, honestly. December was a doozy, especially with our ward giving tree. It was like, I was happy to be going home, to be in my home, but I wanted more rest and more time with my family. 

We came home new year's eve so we could get the doggie.