January 18, 2010
Monday
I had meant to write yesterday, but it was a pretty busy
day, so I’m making up for it by writing early today. Hopefully I can get
everything that I want to write in a short amount of time, so that I can start
doing the homework and other things I need to do.
So last time I wrote, I was fairly distressed about my
future and about my life. It was a hard first week of school. After I wrote, I
talked to Daniel about some of the things that were bothering me, and I
actually felt a lot better after having talked about it. That was good! Then,
all week, as I was thinking about it, I realized that it doesn’t really matter
what I do, because I have Daniel, and he’s all that really matters anyway. I
could do anything. I could go back to school one day if I really want to. I’m
not that worried about my future anymore. I know that everything will work out
for the best, even if it’s hard.
Kathryn came over on Thursday night to watch a movie and
hang out and eat really good food. The movie we watched was kind of dumb, and
not a warm fuzzy movie at all, even thought it was a chic flic. After the movie
was over, she started talking about her life now and her plans, and the whole
thing felt so empty and hollow to me. I can’t imagine going from being married
to not, and having to jump back into the dating, single scene, having to figure
out your life alone, living with roommates. It would be so awful. And Kat
seemed so focused on working, on having a career, and not on the things that,
as Latter-day Saint women, she should be focusing on. During the movie, she was
incredulous that the girl would quit her dream job to move all the way across
the country to be with the guy she loves. That seemed like the right thing to
do, to me. But Kat thought the girl was idiotic. It seems to me that she has
her priorities all mixed up now. Isn’t it better to be with the people you care
most about than have a huge, successful career? Anyway, it was this realization
that snapped me out of it and helped me to stop worrying about being huge and successful.
It wasn’t that fun hanging out with Kathryn. Her whole life
sounds so shallow and empty to me. Every time she talks about what she’s doing
and planning, I feel empty. I don’t know how that works. I shouldn’t be so
feeling about this, but I can’t help it. And I don’t know why I feel like that.
It’s just not that fun to hang out with her anymore. She’s so mixed up. Maybe
I’m so mixed up.
Anyway, last week was a really good week. I’m really
enjoying my classes and meeting new people in my classes. This semester is so
different than any of my other semesters, in terms of classes and people. I’ve
never been in class with so many people I know or so many people who are so
friendly. Before, when I was single, it seemed that none of the guys in my class
would talk to me (which is tragic, considering the majority of classmates in my
major are guys) because they were all married, and I wasn’t. Like I was some
sort of threat to their marriage or something. And it really bothered me, so I
kept to myself a lot and didn’t make an effort to meet people in my classes or
talk to them. But I think I’ve broken out of that. I’m learning to not care so
much what people think, and just talk to them, regardless. And, you know, life
is a lot more fun that way. It’s way cooler to meet people and to talk to them
and be kind to them. I hope I can keep this up, because it seems to come in
phases, in waves. I’d like not to go back down to the troughs where I was
before, though.
Monday was Adam McMurtrey’s birthday. So Dan and I went over
to their apartment to play games and eat good food. There were a couple other
couples, and a few single people. All of them I’d met before. And we had a lot
of fun! We played Guesstures and another game. We didn’t get to bed until late
that night.
I’m really loving my dance class. We have finished learning
our first solo dance, and now we are working on our first paired dance. In
Thursday in class, we had to pair up with someone, and I was asked to dance by
this really tall guy in my class. It was pretty ridiculous watching ourselves
in the mirror dancing. I’m so short, he was huge. But it was fun. It would be
way better if Daniel was in that class with me. We would have so much fun
dancing together and learning together. Oh, well! I still really have fun in
that class. I wish I had started taking dancing classes earlier on!
On Friday night, Daniel and I went on a date. After school,
I went right home while he stayed on campus to work with his group. I wasn’t
feeling super, so I ate and took a long nap and looked up potential job
opportunities and did a little research. Then when Daniel was done and I’d gone
to pick him up, we went to the temple to do sealings, we went to Zupas for
dinner (which was delicious, and Daniel loved it!), and then went to a movie at
the dollar theater. We saw “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”. It was such a
fun movie, Daniel really loved it. He had wanted to see another animated movie,
but I didn’t want to see that one. He told me to pick, so I picked the one I
wanted to see. He was afraid it was going to be stupid, but he ended up
thinking it was hilarious. Point for me! It was a pretty ordinary date, but he
really enjoyed it and had fun, and I did too.
Saturday morning, I went to a baby shower for Stephanie. Her
baby is due any day now, but her friends here threw her a shower and invited
me. It was okay. Her friends didn’t talk to me at all, and even when I tried to
enter the conversation, they would just look at me and continue talking to
themselves. It was pretty lame, and I was actually pretty surprised at that.
Most people in Utah try to make a better effort to get to know people and be
kind. But they REALLY didn’t. So, I tried to talk and be kind, I talked to
Stephanie when I could. But it was just weird. We decorated little onesies,
took a quiz about Stephanie’s pregnancy, ate good food, and gave Stephanie
suggestions about little girls’ names (since she and Bowman are having
difficulties coming up with one).
Later that day, Daniel and I went shopping. We had a whole
list of things to do, but we only got one of them done: buy me new running
shoes. We went to Runner’s Corner and I tried on SO MANY pairs of running
shoes, ran around in them, had someone watch me run to analyze my step, etc.,
etc. Finally, we landed with a good pair of shoes, and I’m hoping they’ll help
me learn to run better and help me achieve my goal. My other shoes were too
tight and not really specific to running. So, we’ll see.
We tried to study that day, but we were both not feeling
great and we were both so tired. So we did a little bit of studying, went to
the gym to work out (we did elliptical machines), and then went to Bowman and
Stephanie’s later. They were having an Indian food night. SUCH GOOD FOOD! And a
bunch of people were there, and we played speed scrabble. It was really fun.
Yesterday I got a new calling: Relief Society instructor. I
didn’t see that coming AT ALL! I had only been in the RS meeting committee for
a few months, and then all of a sudden I have a new calling. A more nerve-racking
calling. It’ll be good, though. I know it’s important, and I know I can’t do it
well alone. So I’ll be using a lot of help from other people and from Heavenly
Father. Church was good. I feel so much more in the ward now than I did even a
month and a half ago. I don’t know how that happened all of a sudden. But I
guess I’ve been meeting people gradually, and I’ve been making a real effort to
magnify my calling and visiting teaching. Plus, I’m making more of an effort to
speak up in church, to volunteer my thoughts, to pray and read aloud. I’ve been
learning a lot about myself and my capabilities since being married. I have a
lot of potential that I never really realized before, and I love life a lot
more when I’m trying harder.
Well, I had a meeting for relief society after church, and
then Daniel and I played two games of Ticket to Ride, we took a nap, and then
we made dinner. We had the Williams (our next door neighbors) over for dinner,
finally … after living here for 5 months. It was really fun. We made some
really delicious chicken fajitas. They’re really fun, good people. When they
left, our home teachers came, and we talked with them for a long while. Then
when they left, our other neighbors came … no, just kidding. But it does sound
like we had a ton of people over last night, huh? Actually, when our home
teachers left, Daniel and I stayed on the couched and talked for a while, over
an hour, just about random stuff, our families, etc. It was way good. And then
we went to bed.
And today, I have a lot to do, so I’m going to get going.
