Satan is Sneaky

 I have come to an interesting realization: Satan is sneaky. I understand that this is something I know and should remember frequently. But sometimes I have to re-realize something easy like this. 

Lately, especially with my very visible calling, I have been overthinking so so much. I told a friend the other day that I feel like the QUEEN of overthinking. It's been really hard and very frustrating. I keep remembering things that happened during social events, or ward councils, or visits with people, and I overthink what happened, what I said, how they reacted. And my mind keeps coloring everything to a nasty shade of humiliation. Everything made me feel ashamed and embarrassed about what I said and what went down. It's very uncomfortable. And it makes me dislike my calling and dislike social engagements, because then, inevitably, a few days later, I would remember everything in stark and humiliating detail and just feel so embarrassed about it. 

Well, this happened again a few days ago. I was remembering something I said at Thanksgiving dinner at Michael and Michelle's house, and how others responded to what I said. And I felt just humiliated and ashamed, and thought about how entitled it must have sounded. I was in the middle of Mommy Time with Sawyer, and I was so distracted by this line of thinking that I wasn't being a very good playmate for him. I for sure was not living in the moment and enjoying my time with my little boy. Part way through Mommy Time, I had this realization -- Satan is reeeaaallll good, and very sneaky. He's been using this weakness of mine (the overthinking of everything) and twisting and turning it to his own advantage and my own detriment. Because, what happens if I remember everything that happens in a way that paints me in a negative light? That makes me feel like a fool or a brat or whatever? That makes me feel uncomfortable and ashamed? It makes me not want to put myself in those situations. It makes me want to hide away from the world. It makes me not want to put myself out there, in any way or form. And what happens if I hide myself away from people? I can't do very much good in the world if I'm not out in the world with people. I'm only effective as an instrument in God's hands if I put myself out there to serve, to visit, to council, to uplift, to build faith. I'm for sure not effective at all in blessing the lives of other people if I don't spend my time with people. 

Sometimes, I feel like we think of Satan as tempting people with the big things. And if we're avoiding those big temptations and sins, then we're avoiding being influenced by Satan. But that's not at all true. He tempts us in little things, even things that seem insignificant and unimportant, like wanting to avoid social situations. If he can get in the way of us serving those around us, then he's succeeded in thwarting God's plan in that instance. Enough successes like that for him with enough individual people, and he makes a significant dent in God's plan. 

Once I realized this the other day, it got easier not to let myself dwell in those thought patterns. I only hope I can keep getting better at not listening to them. I also need to get better at listening for how God speaks to me about myself. Any correction coming from God through the Holy Ghost is not going to leave me feeling so low and ashamed. I think God's correction is going to make me feel encouraged to do better, not wanting to run away from myself and everyone else. If I remember that, It'll be easier to distinguish between when God is prompting me and when Satan is trying to thwart me.