January 18, 2010

Monday

I had meant to write yesterday, but it was a pretty busy day, so I’m making up for it by writing early today. Hopefully I can get everything that I want to write in a short amount of time, so that I can start doing the homework and other things I need to do.

So last time I wrote, I was fairly distressed about my future and about my life. It was a hard first week of school. After I wrote, I talked to Daniel about some of the things that were bothering me, and I actually felt a lot better after having talked about it. That was good! Then, all week, as I was thinking about it, I realized that it doesn’t really matter what I do, because I have Daniel, and he’s all that really matters anyway. I could do anything. I could go back to school one day if I really want to. I’m not that worried about my future anymore. I know that everything will work out for the best, even if it’s hard.

Kathryn came over on Thursday night to watch a movie and hang out and eat really good food. The movie we watched was kind of dumb, and not a warm fuzzy movie at all, even thought it was a chic flic. After the movie was over, she started talking about her life now and her plans, and the whole thing felt so empty and hollow to me. I can’t imagine going from being married to not, and having to jump back into the dating, single scene, having to figure out your life alone, living with roommates. It would be so awful. And Kat seemed so focused on working, on having a career, and not on the things that, as Latter-day Saint women, she should be focusing on. During the movie, she was incredulous that the girl would quit her dream job to move all the way across the country to be with the guy she loves. That seemed like the right thing to do, to me. But Kat thought the girl was idiotic. It seems to me that she has her priorities all mixed up now. Isn’t it better to be with the people you care most about than have a huge, successful career? Anyway, it was this realization that snapped me out of it and helped me to stop worrying about being huge and successful.

It wasn’t that fun hanging out with Kathryn. Her whole life sounds so shallow and empty to me. Every time she talks about what she’s doing and planning, I feel empty. I don’t know how that works. I shouldn’t be so feeling about this, but I can’t help it. And I don’t know why I feel like that. It’s just not that fun to hang out with her anymore. She’s so mixed up. Maybe I’m so mixed up.

Anyway, last week was a really good week. I’m really enjoying my classes and meeting new people in my classes. This semester is so different than any of my other semesters, in terms of classes and people. I’ve never been in class with so many people I know or so many people who are so friendly. Before, when I was single, it seemed that none of the guys in my class would talk to me (which is tragic, considering the majority of classmates in my major are guys) because they were all married, and I wasn’t. Like I was some sort of threat to their marriage or something. And it really bothered me, so I kept to myself a lot and didn’t make an effort to meet people in my classes or talk to them. But I think I’ve broken out of that. I’m learning to not care so much what people think, and just talk to them, regardless. And, you know, life is a lot more fun that way. It’s way cooler to meet people and to talk to them and be kind to them. I hope I can keep this up, because it seems to come in phases, in waves. I’d like not to go back down to the troughs where I was before, though.

Monday was Adam McMurtrey’s birthday. So Dan and I went over to their apartment to play games and eat good food. There were a couple other couples, and a few single people. All of them I’d met before. And we had a lot of fun! We played Guesstures and another game. We didn’t get to bed until late that night.

I’m really loving my dance class. We have finished learning our first solo dance, and now we are working on our first paired dance. In Thursday in class, we had to pair up with someone, and I was asked to dance by this really tall guy in my class. It was pretty ridiculous watching ourselves in the mirror dancing. I’m so short, he was huge. But it was fun. It would be way better if Daniel was in that class with me. We would have so much fun dancing together and learning together. Oh, well! I still really have fun in that class. I wish I had started taking dancing classes earlier on!

On Friday night, Daniel and I went on a date. After school, I went right home while he stayed on campus to work with his group. I wasn’t feeling super, so I ate and took a long nap and looked up potential job opportunities and did a little research. Then when Daniel was done and I’d gone to pick him up, we went to the temple to do sealings, we went to Zupas for dinner (which was delicious, and Daniel loved it!), and then went to a movie at the dollar theater. We saw “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”. It was such a fun movie, Daniel really loved it. He had wanted to see another animated movie, but I didn’t want to see that one. He told me to pick, so I picked the one I wanted to see. He was afraid it was going to be stupid, but he ended up thinking it was hilarious. Point for me! It was a pretty ordinary date, but he really enjoyed it and had fun, and I did too.

Saturday morning, I went to a baby shower for Stephanie. Her baby is due any day now, but her friends here threw her a shower and invited me. It was okay. Her friends didn’t talk to me at all, and even when I tried to enter the conversation, they would just look at me and continue talking to themselves. It was pretty lame, and I was actually pretty surprised at that. Most people in Utah try to make a better effort to get to know people and be kind. But they REALLY didn’t. So, I tried to talk and be kind, I talked to Stephanie when I could. But it was just weird. We decorated little onesies, took a quiz about Stephanie’s pregnancy, ate good food, and gave Stephanie suggestions about little girls’ names (since she and Bowman are having difficulties coming up with one).

Later that day, Daniel and I went shopping. We had a whole list of things to do, but we only got one of them done: buy me new running shoes. We went to Runner’s Corner and I tried on SO MANY pairs of running shoes, ran around in them, had someone watch me run to analyze my step, etc., etc. Finally, we landed with a good pair of shoes, and I’m hoping they’ll help me learn to run better and help me achieve my goal. My other shoes were too tight and not really specific to running. So, we’ll see.

We tried to study that day, but we were both not feeling great and we were both so tired. So we did a little bit of studying, went to the gym to work out (we did elliptical machines), and then went to Bowman and Stephanie’s later. They were having an Indian food night. SUCH GOOD FOOD! And a bunch of people were there, and we played speed scrabble. It was really fun.

Yesterday I got a new calling: Relief Society instructor. I didn’t see that coming AT ALL! I had only been in the RS meeting committee for a few months, and then all of a sudden I have a new calling. A more nerve-racking calling. It’ll be good, though. I know it’s important, and I know I can’t do it well alone. So I’ll be using a lot of help from other people and from Heavenly Father. Church was good. I feel so much more in the ward now than I did even a month and a half ago. I don’t know how that happened all of a sudden. But I guess I’ve been meeting people gradually, and I’ve been making a real effort to magnify my calling and visiting teaching. Plus, I’m making more of an effort to speak up in church, to volunteer my thoughts, to pray and read aloud. I’ve been learning a lot about myself and my capabilities since being married. I have a lot of potential that I never really realized before, and I love life a lot more when I’m trying harder.

Well, I had a meeting for relief society after church, and then Daniel and I played two games of Ticket to Ride, we took a nap, and then we made dinner. We had the Williams (our next door neighbors) over for dinner, finally … after living here for 5 months. It was really fun. We made some really delicious chicken fajitas. They’re really fun, good people. When they left, our home teachers came, and we talked with them for a long while. Then when they left, our other neighbors came … no, just kidding. But it does sound like we had a ton of people over last night, huh? Actually, when our home teachers left, Daniel and I stayed on the couched and talked for a while, over an hour, just about random stuff, our families, etc. It was way good. And then we went to bed.

And today, I have a lot to do, so I’m going to get going.