End of January Where Does the Time Go

We are in late January, and I've written almost nothing about the beginning of the year. I've had lots of thoughts about things this beginning of year. A few years ago, I stopped using real planners and making very many goals because I felt that they were serving me well. I would just feel stressed about accomplishing goals and I wasn't enjoying life much. But the last several months, I've been feeling a little directionless and I'm not using my time well at all. Honestly, I think feel a little lost this school year not homecoming my kids. Like, for the past few years, that's been giving me purpose and a solid way to spend my time. And now, it's all different. 

So, anyways, I've been thinking about goal a lot more this January than I have the past couple of years. And I bought myself a paper planner to use. It's open dates, so I can use it at my own pace. It's supposed to come any day now. 

This January has been good. I don't feel like it's lasting forever, like it usually does. It helps that we took our yearly trip to St George this last weekend (more on that later). That helps break up the monotonousness that is January and the dead is winter. 

I've had trouble feeling motivated to do anything projective since we got back from Medford. Julie was here with Drew at the beginning of the month, and I spent some time helping him get set up at BYU. It was nice to have her, and that I didn't have to say goodbye in Medford. She's coming again next weekend, too, because Drew is really struggling right now, and she wants to come help and support him. 

But after Julie left, it was, like, recover from winter break and having guests in the house, and then straight until preparing for St George. So, I feel like I've been busy, and also not busy. 

It's also been a struggle being motivated to serve in my calling, and I'm having a hard time wanting to be where I am and feeling confident that I'm the right person. I went to lunch with our stake rs president, Suzette Petersen, one day. I think she wanted to talk and see how things are going, and I basically told her that, aside from self reliance meetings (which I very much struggle with), my biggest difficulty is feeling like I'm the right person to be RS president. I have very little confidence in myself there. And I tend to remember all the ways I am not enough or all the times I trip up or humiliate myself. It's been really hard, actually, this past year. I feel like, since we moved here, I've made great efforts and strides in embracing who I am and just being myself and being okay with that. But since I became RS president almost a year ago, it's like I'm backsliding. And it's been really hard. I feel like life has become one long series of humiliating experiences that I can't seem to forget or stop myself from reliving. It's not good. It's really not good. I need to figure it out. Maybe that's why I have this calling at this time. I have some things to learn.

And to that end, I'm trying to have a better attitude and try to realize what Heavenly Father wants me to learn from this experience. Humility, surely. And compassion for others. And how to strike that balance of encouraging people to do better but also loving them and being empathetic to their struggles. I'm sure there is much more to learn. Maybe a greater willingness to submit to the Father's will. Having a good attitude in the face of difficult things. Trusting in Jesus more, and focusing my service on Him. 

Anyway, all these thoughts are occupying my attention right now. And I'm trying to figure things out. 

I started doing preschool lessons with Sawyer when the kids went back to school after break. I'm just using the Good and the Beautiful curriculum, the one I already had downloaded. It's been going pretty well. He needs lots of practice with his letters. But he's very willing and mostly excited to do lessons most days. (Of course, I usually follow it up with watching some TV, so I'm sure that's helping.) I'm hoping to give him a more solid foundation before he goes to kindergarten this year (which, by the way, when did this happen??? 😭😭😭 My baby is going to school THIS YEAR!). But it's slow progress, haha. He just feels SO YOUNG to be learning his letters already. 

I hosted bunco this month, but since it was the week after getting back (and I was suffering from a recent humiliation... trust me, it's had an impact), I decided to go super easy. I got gift cards for prizes, ordered pizza and salad kits and berries for dinner, and just squeezed everyone into the 2 tables I already have. Done and done. And it was fun! We had a great time! 

I went to book club as well one night. We read a book about Ernest Shackleton's polar expedition, which was really interesting. A slower read, but fascinating. 

One day we had Tucker's brother from his litter over to our house to play. They stayed about 25 minutes, and it took a little while for the brother to warm up to our house. And Tucker was so excited he peed in the entrance. Haha. But it was fun to watch them wrestle and play with each other. Until they got a little too rough with each other. But we're going to do another play date with them soon. 

This puppy has started laying down and sleeping at my feet when I'm working around the house. I'll stop to do dishes and he'll just plop down at my feet for a snooze. 

Brooke went to the temple with her friends one evening and stopped for ice cream on the way home. It's so great to live near friends that just want to do some good. 

What a goober this dog looks when he's just had a bath. 🤣 It's even better when Brooke brushes him and fluffs up his hair. 

Jack started primary activities this month. 😭🤧 He's getting so big! And since he'll turn 8 and be baptized this year, he gets to start going to primary activities. He loves them! He's only been to 2 of them so far, but he's just thrilled about going. It's super cute. 

The kids have had play dates with their friends in the past couple of months, and are loving spending time with their school friends. Meanwhile, I had some friends come over to watch the BBC Pride and Prejudice with me. Some of them have never seen it! And so I set out to change that. I got an overload of good snacks and they came and watched the first couple of episodes. We had a great time, and it warms my heart to have such good friends to do fun things with. I love spending time with them. DeAnna, Sarah, Jamie and Tatum came. 🥰

Daniel was offered a job as a controller at a new startup company that his old coworker is trying to build. This guy, Matt, was trying so so hard to get Daniel to change jobs and go with his company. He talked to Daniel quite a lot this month, and had Daniel talk to other people at the company. I think Daniel really wanted to take the job. It would've been a more fun job for him, and similar benefits. But he just didn't feel good about it, even though it all looked better on paper. So he turned Matt down. 

This week, Daniel's been in San Jose. He left the day after we got back from St George. We had a mostly normal week while he was gone. I meant to use the time wisely and catch up on sleep while he was gone. 😂 But I got completely sucked into "the Happy Life of Isadora Bentley," which was absolutely delightful to read. And I spent far far too much time reading, instead of doing all the other things I should be doing. 

This afternoon, Brooke and Claire did a piano/ guitar duet in their school talent show. They made some mistakes, but did so good. I was really proud of how brave they were to perform in front of their peers, and for how they kept going even when they made mistakes. 

I'm trying to start into some better habits this new year: eating better (my habits have been slipping for the last few years. I'm trying to eat more fruits and veggies throughout the day, reserve sweet eating to the weekends, specifically Sunday, and check off all of Dr Michael Greger's daily dozen. As I've been doing this this month, I've really felt so much better! Amazing and shocking, I know. Who would've thought eating healthier would make you feel good? 😆) and earlier bedtime/ wake up time (I'm not to my goal yet, but I'm trying to work my way there. I've been waking up semi-consistently at 630am ... on the week days at least. I'd like to have a better morning and evening routine around my sleep to set up my day better and prepare for sleeping better. So I want to go to bed around 10 and wake up a little before 6. My morning routine is difficult, though, because of the dog. Something I'll have to get used to and learn to work around). 

I do feel like if I could get these routines down, I would be more productive during the day, I could accomplish my other goals easier, I'd be happier and a better mom, etc. So I'm working my way towards that. 

What are these routines I'm trying to master? You might ask. Well, I'd be glad to tell you. They are as follows: 

Morning routine: wake up (probably needs to be a bit before 6am). Brush teeth/ go to bathroom. Daily affirmations (I think I may need these at this point in my life). Say my prayer. 15 minutes of scripture study (like a good solid study). 5 minutes of planning out the day. Workout + 30 min walk (and listen to general conference and the Book of Mormon while I do). Get my kids up. Make breakfast for myself and kids. Shower and get ready (actually do get ready). Do some tidy (kitchen, main level, laundry, etc). And then I get on with my day and whatever I need to do! 

Evening routine (I haven't nailed down exactly how I was this to look, but something like this): dinner --> after dinner chores --> scripture study with kids --> get kids ready and in bed. 10 minutes of journaling. Put phone to bed. Get ready for bed (brush teeth, wash face, jammies, face mask, skin routine). Read a book. Scripture study with Daniel. Go to sleep. BAM! Wouldn't that be awesome? It sounds like a delightful way to wind down the day and relax and get ready to sleep. And obviously there is some variableness about it. Like, sometimes I'll want to take a hot bath. Sometimes I won't do face masks, etc. My ideal bedtime routine makes me sound like an old woman. 😆

I found this influencer on IG that is a mom to 4 boys, and she is so super organized with her life and routines, and I've been very inspired by her. I'd like to be more like that. So I'm making more efforts this year. I chose a word for the year, something to inspire how I live. I've chosen the word "intention". I don't want to feel swept along by life, but live with more intentionality. I kind of took it from the scripture Moroni 10:4, but I'm only adopting certain phrases from it: "...with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ..." with this scripture in mind, I'm hoping I will focus my life and efforts on Jesus Christ, while I live with a sincere heart and real intent.