First Week of School and Things

 I've been trying to cram so many activities into the last few weeks of summer. I could just foresee my kids going to school and being sad that they are gone all day and that we didn't do more over the summer. It's been a busy few weeks, as a result. I wanted to do fun things with the kids every day! Here is some of what we did: 

• Went swimming with the Perkins
• Invited a bunch of friends over to play on the slip 'n' slide and with the house and squirt guns and water table. We had a ton of kids here in the backyard, and some of the moms sat out at the table on the deck to chat. It was one of the most fun days of the summer. 
• Took the kids up to Albion Basin for the wildflower hike. I was surprised that they didn't enjoy it more. Brooke seemed to be the only one who liked it. It was maybe a bit longer and harder than I'd remembered, and the other kids didn't handle it well. The flowers also seemed part their peek already, which was a little disappointing. 
• Took the kids back to school shopping. We went to old navy and target. I could only handle a couple hours of this shopping before I had to go home. 😂 But most of the kids got the clothes they needed and backpacks. 
• Went to Aubergine for bunco night, since most people weren't able to go. 
• Went to my friend, Madison's, house because she had baby bunnies. They were so adorable, and the kids loved holding and hanging out with them.
• Went to the fair as a family. We walked around some booths, saw the animals and a rad Lego exhibit. The boys went to a monster truck show, and the girls went to see all of the contest submissions. The girls were very inspired by all the art, photos, sewing projects and crafts that they saw. Especially those entered by kids. We got a little fair food from the food trucks, and the girls and I had our ears blown out by a rock band we sat and listened to for approximately 7 minutes. It was way too loud.
• Sarah and I took Claire and Brooke to do some back to school shopping one Saturday. We were supposed to get their ears pierced that day, as well, but it didn't work out. But they had fun shopping and getting treats together. 
• Had our family water fight. Always a good time, and never ends until at least half of us are crying. 😂
• Went to a stake rs thing for presidencies, just to chat and eat s'mores. 
• Had a game day with the kids
• Went to a Stray Cats concert with Daniel (he got few tickets). We took a picnic dinner and listened to a couple bands. It was a fun date, but we were less than impressed with the music. There were some super fans there, though. It was fun to watch them. 
• Went to book club to discuss The Lonely Hearts Book Club
• Took the kids to Boondocks family fun center. Daniel's dad we having a work event there and they were allowed to invite all of their family. We had so much fun going on the bumper boats and go carts, doing the ropes course, playing arcade games and eating pizza for lunch. The kids loved it! 
• Orthodontist appointment for Camille and Jack. He said to give them another year. 
• Took Jack on a Mommy Date to the Dino Museum for Dinos After Dark event. We did a fun scavenger hunt and met a "real" utahraptor, did Dino light puppets, and did a little dancing with a Dino at the end. We had a really great time. 

• Went camping with the Freis, Christensens, and Norrises the weekend before school started. We went south, to a campground in Hobble Creek Canyon that we really loved. There was this cute little creek running down through the middle of it. The other three families had sites all next to each other, but ours was a little farther away. But we ate dinner and hung out together, helped each other set up camp, and had a good time. The kids also loved hanging out altogether. And they stayed up way too late. 😂
• I took the kids on a bike ride to the big park and let them play for a while until the weather got bad. I was surprised how much the boys complained about the bike ride, considering how much they normally like to ride their bikes. Ah, well. Try to do fun things, and someone is going to be unhappy.
• Had a play date with Kimberly Davis and her kids. My little boys like playing with her kids.

The week school started, we had back to school night a couple of days before. We went to the school and got all the information, saw a bunch of friends at the school (some that we hadn't seen in quite a long while), and met all the kids teachers. They seemed really great and nice, and I think meeting their teachers and walking around the school a bit helped my kids not feel so nervous to be going to school. This year, Jack is in 2nd grade with Mrs. Andersen, Camille is in 4th grade with Mrs. Newbry, and Brooke is in 6th grade with all of the 6th grade teachers. This year Belmont is trying something new for the 6th graders. They have the 6th grade kids changing classes for each subject. I think the point is they are trying to get them used to changing for their classes for when they get to middle school. They also are trying to mix the French Immersion students with the regular English students. So Brooke has a different teacher for each subject and Homeroom, which means she has each of the 6th grade teachers. 

The night before school started, we had our back-to-school dinner and Father's Blessings. I decorated the table and dining room a bit, we had tacos (nothing special) for dinner, and talked about all the things they were nervous about and anticipating. The kids were nervous and excited. Kind of a mix of emotions all around. I was feeling mostly sad about the whole thing, but trying to play it off like I wasn't. Daniel gave them really great father's blessings for their start of school year, and we went to bed. 

The next morning, on a Thursday, I got up like normal to walk and workout, I got my kids up early to get ready, and just gradually became a complete mess of a person. I tried so hard to keep it together and not show how sad I was. But the more I tried to hide it, the more I tried to push it down, the harder it was to keep my emotions in check. And at one point, I just started crying. The kids noticed. I was wiping my eyes, and Brooke and Camille both asked, "Mom, are you crying?" I told them, yes, I was a little. And they asked, "Why?" And I told them I was just sad that they were going off to school. I had to excuse myself from the kitchen for a few minutes and hide in the laundry room to cry it off a little bit. It helped, but not enough, because my kids were pretty subdued after that. They got their lunches ready and had breakfast, all the while I was just trying not to cry more. And then we all piled into the car and went off to school. 

Drop off was pretty uneventful. We didn't get out to take pictures in front of the school or anything, although I'm kind of wishing we had. They just hopped out of the car when we drove up to the school, and walked in together. The whole way home, I was trying not to think about it, but of course that's all I could think of. I tried like hell not to cry, but the harder I tried, the harder it was not to. I really didn't want to cry in front of Daniel. I know he doesn't really understand why I was sad and why I hated dropping them off to school. And I didn't want him thinking me silly. But I burst into tears and quiet sobs only 2 minutes from home. So frustrating! I couldn't help it. I hated dropping my kids off at school. I hated that they would be away from me most of the day. I hated that we would be missing out on learning together. I hated that they would have to struggle the first few weeks or longer to feel comfortable and like they would fit it. Everything about dropping my kids off at school felt unnatural. Wrong. When I got home, I got in the shower and just sobbed. I felt like I was making a huge mistake. I felt like my kids were going to change and that they would like school more than home. I worried that peer pressure would make them do dumb things or care more about what their peers think than what their family and God thinks. I don't know how long I was in the shower; it felt like a long time. But I told myself to pull it together, and I kind of did.

Suffice to say, that whole day was miserable. I was sad all day. Fortunately, I had some things to distract me. I meet up with Jamie Winfield and Kimberly Davis about forming a preschool group for our little people: Sawyer, Avery and Johnny. We talked for a little over an hour while the kids played together. And they were so cute playing together! They played well! And when Kimberly and Avery had to leave, Avery and Sawyer hugged and kissed each other. We just about melted. 🥰

I decided after our play date, that I needed a little pick-me-up. So Sawyer and I went out to lunch at Aubergine. Well, we went and ordered food for pickup, so that we could take it back home to eat. DeAnna and Sarah asked if I wanted to go out for lunch while I was already there. I think they knew that I needed friends that day and a distraction. So I told them that they could come over when we were back from picking up food. It was nice of them to come over. It helped to take my mind off of having the kids in school. But I still felt empty that whole day. 

The day really flew by, when we consider that I spent most of the morning showering, crying and at Jamie's house, and most of the afternoon at Aubergine, eating with DeAnna and Sarah. After they left, we had about an hour to hang out, and then we went to pick up the kids from their first day. Sawyer and I went early and parked the car next to the school and walked to the front to wait for them to get out. It was chaos, when the kids got out of school! There were so many parents, cars and kids all over the place. It was hard to see where the kids were, and we waited several minutes before I saw Camille looking a little lost by the main entrance of the school. We went over and talked to her and waited several more minutes before Jack and Brooke came out together. I had the kids take a picture by the school before we headed to the car. 

It seems that first day had mixed reviews from each of the kids. They still felt unsure of things, and I'm sure it was uncomfortable that they barely knew anyone and didn't have any friends. But they also seemed excited still. Which, in all honesty, hurt my heart a little bit. I was sad and empty all day without them, and they seemed fine.

The second day of school was slightly better. At least I didn't sob. But I did cry a couple of times. Taking the kids to school was pretty much just as hard the second day, made even more so when Brooke said, as we pulled up to the school, "Do I have to go to school today?" It broke my heart, because I wanted nothing more than to take her back home with me and homeschool. 

That morning, after the kids were in school, DeAnna came over to bake banana and zucchini bread with me. Another distraction, thank the heavens and her. And when the kids came home, it seemed like mixed reviews again.

At this point, I know that it will take time for them to get into a good groove and feel comfortable in the school environment. So I keep telling myself to give it time, and we'll all feel better about it eventually. But it's still uncomfortable for all of us. Especially me. I want my kids home. As weird as it sounds, my house is too clean and too quiet. I miss learning with them and being with them and hearing them. I miss the creative games they play together and by themselves, and that they spend so much time reading. I miss the Good and the Beautiful. And while I recognize that it's hard to homeschool my kids, and that sometimes I lost my patience and felt like I needed a break, I also loved it. 

The next week of school, I also had a lot going on to distract me. DeAnna and Sarah and I had a girls date on Monday. We got babysitters for Taylor and Sawyer and drove up to Tibble Fork Reservoir and went kayaking, and afterwards to lunch at Kneaders. It was very fun. And peaceful. Just the thing I felt I needed at that moment. I love being up in the mountains, and being on the lake is just an added perk. It was a beautiful day and quiet up there. Just lovely.

The rest of the week has been spent in preparations for Brooke's birthday and the Stake Women's overnight camp out. Sawyer started going to preschool group at Jamie's house. He didn't struggle with it quite as much as he did last year. He did want me to stay a little bit, which I did the first day. But he was definitely more fine with me leaving than he was last year. That makes me glad. I think he needs to develop some friendships and learn how to function outside the house. 

I'm still struggling sending my kids to school every day. Especially because Brooke has really struggled. She's at that tricky age where it's hard to make friends. One day this week, she came home and started talking and crying to me because she doesn't have any friends, and the few people she does know don't really play with her or hang out with her. I tried really hard not to be mad at Claire for this. Why couldn't she just invite Brooke to hang with her and her friends when they are at lunch and recess together? It wouldn't be that hard, and Brooke was obviously struggling. I just felt so sad for Brooke that she was struggling socially, especially when she is such a people person, and people love to be around her. These kids at school just need to give her a chance. I hope things get better there for her. I think they will, but it's hard to be patient and see her hurting.