After months of going nowhere and doing ... not much of anything, life got busy all of a sudden. I think it happened in the weeks leading up to the start of school. We were trying to fit in a few last summer activities before the kids started school, plus the getting ready for school and school shopping, and then we were headlong into school.
With the girls gone for at least a few hours of the day every day, getting them up and ready for school, Jack going to preschool group twice a week, doctors and dentist appointments and the like, and social engagements popping up here and there, I've hardly been able to keep up! It's very strange. Even before the covid outbreak and the closing down of all things, I felt like life was in a comfortable routine, not too busy, but not too dull either. Then it all closed down, and we were very un-busy for a while. And all of a sudden, it's almost too busy!
With Sawyer, more than with any of the others, I feel like my time has absolutely evaporated. I'm doing all the things to take care of a new baby -- feeding, changing, playing, pumping, bottle-feeding, putting down to sleep. I'm also taking care of 3 other little humans -- feeding, and feeding again, playing with them, making sure they go to school, making sure they are doing homework and reading, having playdates, running them to and from places, reading to them, bedtime. Plus, then there's taking care of the house -- which I've whittled down a lot since Sawyer was born and doing only the bare minimum, which looks like laundry, grocery shopping, making food, dishes, tidying up, changing sheets, and doing minimal housework when I can fit it in sometime. And then, of course, I have to do some things for my dear husband to keep him feeling loved and happy. And I try to do a few things to feel fulfilled myself -- scripture reading, prayers, exercise, making my bed, reading (this has gone down the tube in recent months), and getting dressed (and preferably made up a little bit).
I really feel like I've tried to pare things down to a very basic level, and I still feel behind. Just last week, I was really on the ball for the first couple of days, feeling like I was having energy to do all the things I needed to do and wanted to do, trying to get things done from my endless to-do list. And then it all just got ahead of me, and the last part of the week, I simply gave up. One night I was so tired and discouraged, I put the kids to bed, sat on social media for a while, pumped and read, and then got ready for bed. I didn't do any cleaning up and putting away, as I usually do at the end of a day to prepare for the next day. And that's what happens. Things just get away from me, they all pile up, and I just quit. Only for a day or two, of course, and then I start trying again. I keep thinking I need to figure out how to get things done and not feel stressed and also be able to enjoy my kids and my baby.
Because that's the one thing that I really feel I must do: enjoy my baby. This first year of babyhood goes by so fast, and if I don't stop to enjoy him, the year will be over and I'll wish I had it back. So, that's my new goal lately. To stop every so often just to enjoy him -- to play with him, sing to him, hold him, snuggle him, stare at him, kiss his sweet little cheeks, hold his sweet little hand, enjoy his giggles and gummy smiles, the way his face lights up when I look at him. He is the sweetest little man, and I'm already sad thinking of how much he's already grown.
Anyway. On to less sad thoughts. In a nut shell, life has gotten busy, and that's not normal for me, and I'm trying to learn how to cope. There was one week, right after my family left, that was unusually busy for me and I was stressed sooooo much. I was teaching preschool that week. And the kids had dentist appointments. And I took dinner to David and Wendy (Kate passed away at the beginning of September; I should really give that another paragraph). And I was planning a baby shower for Gina Smith. And I ran a million errands in preparation for said baby shower. And we had a double date night with the Christensens. It just felt like one thing after another, and it was too much, honestly. All good things, but I wasn't coping well. And my kids were taking the brunt of it. Gotta find that balance.
Our theme for preschool the week I taught it was the farm. We read some farm books, drew and colored spots on a cow, played duck-duck-goose (it was HILARIOUS watching all those little 3 year olds try to play that game... they didn't reeeaaally understand it),
But even after that week was over, I expected things to slow down, and they did a little bit, but not that much.
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