So. One of two things happened. Either I felt so inadequate after my earlier planning attempts (with birthday stuff, and whatnot). OR I have seriously gotten into the nesting phase of pregnancy.
Either way, I was feeling a little bit ... unsatisfied with the way I was housekeeping. I picked up and started re-reading the books that mom gave me about running a household: "Confession of an Organized Housewife" and "Sidetracked Home Executives". I guess I was looking for some great ideas to implement in my current running. Or it's just that I have been feeling bored of my housework and just needed some motivation. But lately, since I started reading these books again a couple of weeks ago or so, I've been updating my cleaning schedules, rearranging some things in my planner and updating my sheets, and reorganizing things. Since Brooke has gotten so good at making messes, I've had to find new places to put certain items. (You know, I was talking to my sister, Mary, today and telling her about Brooke's mess-making abilities. She mentioned that now is a great time [note the sarcasm] for her to be making such messes, right before a new baby comes. I never even thought of that. It may be that my housekeeping skills will be taking a dive in quality for a few months until I catch my breath!)
I've also been thinking about how sometimes I just get bored during the day. Some days are just, for whatever reason, long! I feel bad that I feel that way. I mean, I am doing what I wanted to do. And I do love my child (almost children! Eek!), and I do love spending time with her. But ... I don't know, sometimes I just feel like I'm not using my time well enough. I realize that every moment of every day doesn't have to be productive and taken up with housework or projects. It's okay for me to just sit with Brooke and be mom. And usually, I'm good with that. But, especially lately, I just get bored.
Maybe I need to find new activities for Brooke and I to do. The weather is finally cooling off in the mornings, so we can go to the park again. And there is always the pool (although at this point, it seems to take more energy than it's worth to go to the pool). But many days, we stay inside all. day. long. and it gets old without some real stuff to do.
I wish I was more of a go-getter type person. I see all these amazing women juggling kids and jobs and houses and husbands, and they all seem to do these amazing things with their kids constantly; making Popsicle stick houses, macaroni necklaces, painting with old marshmallows, baking and decorating sugar cookies, and on and on. They make me feel so lazy! I feel a bit of pressure to be a cooler mom that does cooler stuff with her kids. Yet, at the same time, I feel the need to help Brooke be a self-starter, self-entertainer, self-motivator.
WHERE'S THE BALANCE?!?
I know. I know. I hear a voice in the back of my head: "You can't be comparing yourself to anyone else. You have your own talents and abilities that other people don't have. Your circumstances and personality are different. Would you even be happy if you made yourself as busy as them?" And on and on. (I practically hear that being said in Daniel's voice. :) ) Sometimes, though, I want to tell that voice to shut it! "I can do it all! I can be clever and creative and do amazing activities with my kids and keep an immaculate house and learn to decorate cakes and be the best, most romantic wife ever and help my neighbors more and teach more piano lessons..." Aaaand, on and on.
I suppose, it all comes down to the fact that I know that I'm doing what I want to be doing. Raising my family. Taking care of my husband and kids. Keeping house. Giving service. It's the most important work, and I really, truly believe that. However. I might need to feel some new direction and motivation. I might need to make some new goals. I might need to learn new things and work my brain more. I might just need a little change.
Maybe this baby is coming at the perfect time ...
No comments:
Post a Comment