Calling

 So. I got a new calling last night. A couple of days ago, David Tanner texted Daniel and I asking to come meet with Bishop Kimball. Which immediately sparked my curiosity and anxiety. I was pretty sure that it was Daniel getting a new calling, so I asked David who the bishop wanted to talk to specifically... and it was me. 😭 Daniel made an off-hand comment about me being called to be the new relief society president. 

Let me back up. Our Bishop Clarke was being released from his calling because he and his family are moving to Mapleton in a month or so. Plus, Brother Norris, who was the 2nd counselor in the bishopric, was given a stake calling. So, a couple of Sundays ago, the bishopric was reorganized, and Bishop Kimball was called to be bishop. And he essentially destroyed 2 auxiliary organizations in the process, haha. Because his wife was the relief society president, and he called the elder's quorum president to be one of his counselors. So at this point, he needed to replace the relief society president and counselors, and also the elder's quorum president and counselors. 

Which is why Daniel felt the need to tease me about being called to be the new relief society president. I agonized all last night and all the day today about meeting with the bishop. Every time I thought about it, I felt my stomach fall to my feet. I was so anxious and nervous, and after the fact, I realized that I was trying so hard NOT to know what was coming. I kept convincing myself that no one in their right mind would call ME to be the relief society president, right?? (As if it worked that way) I slept terribly last night, and was anxious the whole day. 

Well. 

We met with the bishop tonight. And he extended a calling to be the relief society president of our ward. And I cried. Poor bishop. I think he felt bad. I have so many thoughts and emotions about the whole thing. 

First, I feel completely unprepared and inadequate to have this calling. I'm not good enough or spiritual enough or enough of a leader. I have not the FIRST clue how to be a relief society president. 

Second, I feel like Heavenly Father is giving me a chance to prove that He can trust me. He's giving me great responsibility right now, over the sisters in my ward. He's entrusting this to me and I don't want to blow it. 

Third, I feel like God wants me to grow. This is a growing opportunity more than perhaps anything else. He's presenting me with this chance to change and become better.

Last, I just feel overwhelmed with this. It's a big calling, and I'm nervous about doing a bad job and also being able to do it all. I'm also concerned with doing homeschool plus this... plus the other things I'm doing. It feels like a lot. 

Anyway. I've been crying a lot tonight. Anxious all day, crying all night. 

Tomorrow Daniel and I are going out of town for the Josh Turner concert in Denver. So, I'm going to try not to think too much about it until we get back. And then it's time to get to work.