... Well, technically, it's officially been here for almost a month. It got HOT fast! We enjoyed a fairer winter and spring than usual, not so many hot days before it's time. But, man it hit fast and hard this year after that! This month has been brutal!
I guess I really don't have much to write. We had Father's Day a couple weeks ago. I made Daniel a picture book with lyrics to a bunch of the songs that we sing to the girls at bedtime. It turned out so cute! I put a bunch of pictures of Daniel with all 3 kids, some of just the kids, and a few with me or the whole family sprinkled throughout. We all loved looking through it after he opened it. I also had the girls give him a Daddy t-shirt.
Daniel has been taking more of his paternity leave over the past few weeks, and it's been so nice having him home with us. And it's nice for me to have an extra pair of hands and eyes around. I've had a couple of weeks with all 3 kids by myself, and it isn't easy. Especially since I often have to ignore the girls for long stretches while I feed the baby and pump. And they ALWAYS are getting into some kind of messy mischief. Especially Camille. That girl is always getting into the food and snacking. The problem is, she doesn't contain her messes in the kitchen. She drags her food messes all throughout the house, and it's really driving me crazy. ...Anyway. It's great having Daniel here, because he gets things done that I have no time to do (like laundry, cleaning, house fixing projects) and because he can keep the girls fairly occupied.
He's also been taking the girls to the pool a lot the last couple of weeks. He's been working one on one with Brooke, trying to teach her some skills in the pool, how to jump in and kick and paddle. She gets so excited about what he's teaching her. When I've gone to the pool with Jack, she's so excited to show me what she'd been learning that day. And if Jack and I don't go swimming, she'll burst through the door to tell me all about it. That girl. She's so excited about life. I wish I had some of her excitement.
People have been asking me how the transition is going for me -- going from 2 kids to 3. And honestly, I think it's gone fairly well so far. I'm not overly stressed; we have good days and bad days (like always); and even though I'm sleep deprived and rarely have a minute to myself, I don't feel like I'm drowning. It's helped, of course, having my mother-in-law and Daniel around so much since Jack's birth. And I wonder how it'll be when Daniel is back to working full-time.
I've really enjoyed this time since having Jack. I do feel a little guilty and sad about how I'm not spending hardly any quality time with the girls. But I do love the time I spend with Jack, feeding him, cuddling him, putting him to sleep. He's such a sweet, charming baby, such a good baby! He's so smiley, it's not hard to get a smiled out of our little man. And he often will fall asleep all on his own, which is much different than either of the girls. Sometimes, I'll have to leave him somewhere so that I can do something for the girls for a few minutes, and by the time I get back to him, I'll find him sleeping.
The hard thing, aside from not having time to myself and not having time for the girls, ... well, I guess there are a number of little things that are a little different and difficult. Like, that I feel guilty often for not spending time with the girls, or even the way that I'm treating them right now -- just not very patient or kind (I'm so sleep-deprived and often grumpy). Or the fact that my house is in almost constant disarray (that one also wreaks havoc on my emotional and mental state, which in turn makes me lash out on the girls ... it's just one thing or another). And also, I'm wanting so badly to get back into working out on a regular basis and get back into my old body, and It's just hard to a) find the time b) find the energy and c) find the desire because of (a) and (b).
Today was a rough day. Daniel is at Scout camp for part of this week, starting on Saturday afternoon. I expected things to be hard at church yesterday, but things actually went really smoothly. I had help from people sitting around us. But today. Sheesh. I think I just woke up really grumpy, and we started swim lessons for Brooke, which meant I had to drag all the kids out to swim lessons first thing that day... Yada, yada. It was a hard day for me, and I lost my temper a number of times and just snapped at the girls. And then felt so bad, because they just fall apart underneath my wrath. Brooke even said, "Mom, you're always mad at me and Camille." Wo, was that a serious low point. I've really got to clean up my act. Even if it is hard, being sleep deprived and busy and not having any time to myself. I know it's okay to have bad days. But it's not okay to be mean to my kids.
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