April 11, 2010

Sunday

I haven’t really wanted to write the last few months. I have had a really hard time with school this semester. It’s been one of my hardest semesters of school ever. My Developmental Biology class was giving me such a hard time. I was working on my research proposal with Melina Flake, my partner. But we weren’t getting anywhere, and Dr. Barrow kept telling us that what we had was not what he was looking for. It was a huge guessing game of what he wanted from us. Very frustrating! I can’t count how many times I cried over this project. I also wasn’t doing well on my exams in that class. I would study so hard for the tests, and end up getting a C. What was really hard was that I was trying so hard and not getting anywhere. Now, the proposal is written, I got a 92% on the third exam and things are looking more promising.

I only have 2 days left of classes and then finals. It’s so weird to think that my college experience is over. As I have reflected over this last semester, it’s amazing how much I learned. It was a hard semester. Joining Student Council half way through a school year was a big challenge for me. I didn’t feel like I fit in very well, and I didn’t have a good view of what council was all about. Also, my leaders wouldn’t give me assignments, almost as if they didn’t trust me to do them. But I worked through the challenges, with much difficulty. And now, it’s over, and everything has turned out really well.

When I started out the semester, I wasn’t planning on working as hard as I have during other semesters. I was just feeling very done with school, and I figured it wouldn’t matter too much if I didn’t do as well this semester, because I’ve worked so hard in the past. That didn’t turn out to be the case. At the beginning of the semester, I did a lot of other things besides school: worked out a lot, ran, read good books. But as we turned the corner into February, I realized that I can’t not worry about school. I have to do my best. I have to work hard in school; I can’t just let it slide a little bit. And I’ve done a lot better than I thought I would. I have gotten better grades on some of my tests this semester than I have in a LONG time.

I have really loved my Endocrinology class. It’s my capstone course, with focus on the endocrine system. But I love how it has taken everything that I’ve learned in my major courses and brings it all together into one class. It’s been a good summary. Plus, I had the best teacher ever! Dr. William Winder is the world expert in his field, which is related to endocrinology. He is an older man, but he has a good sense of humor, he is really sensitive and kind. He is not afraid to laugh at himself and he just seems so lighthearted and jovial. I want to be just like him when I grow up.

Actually, I have been really blessed with great teachers this semester. It’s been a hard semester, but it’s been good, too. I have had a lot of people helping me out. Dr. Poole is my Advanced Molecular Bio and Lab professor, and he’s been a great teacher. He is so kind and really makes an effort to connect with his students. It was always my favorite in the lab, we would all be waiting for our projects to progress and we would find fun ways to keep ourselves busy. We watched movies on Youtube, studied, played games, sang, etc., and Dr. Poole would always join in with our fun. We both share a love of Veggie Tales!! He just seemed to care so much about his students and how they were doing. And he was just a fun teacher! Dr. Barrow, obviously, gave me much angst with how difficult his class was; but he’s a really kind man, very sensitive and brilliant. I’ve just been so cursed and blessed this semester.

I’m so excited for the semester to be over!! And to graduate!! But that also means that I have to figure out what to do with myself. I’m sure it’s going to be an adjustment. I did get an internship for the summer in DC, which is such a blessing! I got an internship with Health Fitness Corporation, and I’ll be teaching classes and doing fitness counseling, which is something I want to do anyway. I’m just glad that I’ll get some experience. That will make me more marketable. The internship is only part-time, so I’m also looking for a part-time job to go along with it. So that I can make some money this summer too. Once we get back to Utah, Daniel will naturally be taking classes, and I will look for a job. I would like to work in a lab, doing something that is a little more related to my major.

I’ve really been struggling with what I should be doing with my life, or even what I WANT to do. I don’t even know that part of it…which makes it more difficult to decide what to do. It’s interesting to me that now, as I’m ready to graduate, people are asking what I’m going to do. A lot of my professors and mentors at BYU are sort of pushing me into going into a career rather than stay at home with my family. At BYU!! It’s so ironic. I mean, I know that I could go to professional school and have a family at the same time. It would be hard, but doable. But I think about not spending time with my kids, and forfeiting my right to raise them and teach them myself, and I just cringe! That’s not something I think I would even want to do. Now, I may change my tune later, when I actually start having kids. But kids are only kids for a limited time, and I think I would want to enjoy and take advantage of that. It’s something that I was asking myself during conference last weekend. And I felt like a major theme of conference was family and teaching children. I took that to be an answer. God is more concerned with my work in the home with my children than with my work in the world. Maybe I won’t need to have a successful career to be satisfied with my life and my work.

I am blessed with a wonderful husband. I’ve been so busy with school, and he has been so good about doing housework and making food and taking care of me. I feel like a major slacker where the house is concerned, but I’m really grateful to have such an awesome, helpful, clean husband. I seriously had a hand in picking a spouse.

These have been my major thoughts of late. I’m excited to be able to do other things that I have wanted to do, but have put off because of school. I have learned so much this semester. Especially about persevering and not giving up. I made it through the worst of the semester (as mentioned before), and I also finished my independent study Spanish class a month ago. I’m pretty proud of myself, actually. I feel like I’ve worked hard in school, I have my Spanish minor, and I majored in something challenging. And even though I wanted to give up at times, I made it, and successfully, too.

Now, on to bigger and better things!